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Old 09-03-2018, 06:27 AM   #856
EastBayDave
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Why Seniors Never Change Their Password


WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: Cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: Boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:28 AM   #857
EastBayDave
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From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000"

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer."

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:30 AM   #858
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True Golf Buddies

A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a frickin' mess and the dishes are still in the sink.

Iím completely exhausted! I didnít get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my frickin' pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!

Why the hell did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid ahole!?"

ďBecause . . . heís thinking about getting married."
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:33 AM   #859
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A Father's Last Request

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:34 AM   #860
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Join Date: May 2002
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Name: "Dave"
A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility, decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college, would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce, he would have to go to school.

He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for evaluation and awaited his final grade.

When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received. Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade like this. "It is really quite simple," they said. "We gave you 50% for correctly disassembling the engine, 50% for correctly reassembling it, and an additional 50% for doing it all through the muffler."
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:50 AM   #861
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Good stuff Dave.
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Old 09-20-2018, 12:03 AM   #862
SuperMike
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Marsh Creek Springs
Motorcycles: 1969 Honda CT90, 2008 KTM SuperDuke 990
Name: o_O
A guy walks in to a bar and asks for a beer.

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor and yells "here's your change asshole!"

The guy looks down at the coins and says: "I'll have another beer, please."
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