Net-Moto :: Community :: Racing :: Thefts :: Racing Videos Sponsor :: Contact
 Forums   Features   Trackdays   Moto Crash Incidents   Race Team   CMSP Training   Sponsors   BARF Store   Donate   Terms of Service 
BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum  Home   UserCP   Register   Calendar   Members   FAQ   Search  AMA

Go Back   BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum > Community > Humor


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-04-2018, 07:56 AM   #871
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
Blonde Helping a Trucker.......


A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down……

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:01 AM   #872
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
The choice

During a blind date, as a man and a woman were filling each other in on their.pasts, the man said, "A genie once gave me the option of having a longer penis.or better memory".
"And which did you choose?" the woman.asked.
The man replied, "I don't remember."

=====================================================
a businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”

Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”

Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”

Businessman: “How close?”

Flight Attendant: “Same price."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son.
Do your best, and just remember,
if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me...













your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:03 AM   #873
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “Hey, Mate! how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber look around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”

Joey says, “To your house!
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:07 AM   #874
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He starts the stop by asking the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:11 AM   #875
Whammy
Veteran of Road Racing
 
Whammy's Avatar
 
AMA #3283620
Contributor +

Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Lost again
Motorcycles: 2016 Aprilia Dorsoduro 750
Name:
Whammy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:13 AM   #876
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
After retiring, a former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence..............
The rest of the year went smoothly.
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:15 AM   #877
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
Bath nite....




An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a
lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of
the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if
she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the
fire.
 
"Monday's the best night, when my husband
goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed then to
have a bath the following Monday.
 
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts
match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get
undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't
have any pubic hair.
 
She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday,
when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the
back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can
see for yourself.?
 
So the following Monday, while the girl again got
undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"
 
"No," replied thegirl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
 
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up
her nightdress and showed the girl that she was most
generously endowed in the hair department .
 
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
 
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife
asked him, "Well, did you see ?"
 
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did
you have to show her yours?"
 
"Why are you worried about that?" she said.
"You've seen it often enough."
 
"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!"
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:17 AM   #878
Whammy
Veteran of Road Racing
 
Whammy's Avatar
 
AMA #3283620
Contributor +

Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Lost again
Motorcycles: 2016 Aprilia Dorsoduro 750
Name:
Heee heeeee

Whammy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:18 AM   #879
berth
Veteran
 
berth's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Orange County
Motorcycles: KRS-1200
Name:
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastBayDave View Post
What would the world be without balls

INTERESTING OBSERVATION
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.
And when you've lost all your marbles, you get to be President!
__________________
#69
berth is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 08:27 AM   #880
CDONA
Home of Vortex tuning
 
CDONA's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Based in Spearfish SD. rolled over there >
Motorcycles: Triumph scrambler, TW200
Name: # 44659
Ba dom , pum



Excellent way to start my Bday,
thanks guys
__________________
"Chip Tank" in Paso Robles CA.

Started hammerin' Honda 90's around Berryessa, Summer of Love '67
CDONA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 09:38 AM   #881
Sharxfan
Veteran
 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: with the alligators
Motorcycles: SV1000 s
Name:
Thanks EBD, you made my day.
Sharxfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2018, 12:40 PM   #882
berth
Veteran
 
berth's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Orange County
Motorcycles: KRS-1200
Name:
Speaking of marbles, on the short list of my "Favorite Jokes of All time".

How do you become a Geologist?

First, you start with a bag of marbles.

Then, you go off with a rock hammer and start collecting rock samples. Every time you pick up a rock, you replace it with a marble.

When you've lost all your marbles, you're a Geologist.
__________________
#69
berth is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:55 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.