Budman's on going joke fest - Page 56 - BARF

CDONA · 04-10-2018, 08:29 AM

Was there a black strappy leather/rubber outfit and heels worn for your punishment?

Lonster · 04-10-2018, 05:42 PM

How come there's 2 doors on a chicken coupe?

Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a sedan.

berth · 04-10-2018, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonster

How come there's 2 doors on a chicken coupe?

Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a sedan.

Truly, this is one of my all time favorite jokes.

SuperMike · 04-11-2018, 10:13 AM

A man was sitting in his car in stopped traffic on the highway when a cop knocked on his window. He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?"

The officer said, "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help."

The man said, "Ok. How much are other people giving?"

The officer replied, "On average, about two gallons."

Abacinator · 04-11-2018, 10:58 AM

bruceflinch · 04-17-2018, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abacinator

And I don't have any guilt for laughing either!

CocoLoco · 04-17-2018, 12:00 PM

What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines?

The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine.

Abacinator · 04-17-2018, 05:06 PM

Or Audi or Porsche or...

ctwo · 04-17-2018, 06:13 PM

nobody is inside an s1krr or other...

**budman** · 04-18-2018, 01:02 PM

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'....
and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

*The note read:* 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants......

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

*It read:* 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: "I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas ..
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches.

*Just send the fucking wine back...

CocoLoco · 04-18-2018, 01:27 PM

Well played, sir.

04-10-2018, 08:29 AM	#826
CDONA Home of Vortex tuning Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Based in Spearfish SD. rolled over there > Motorcycles: Triumph scrambler, TW200 Name: # 44659	Was there a black strappy leather/rubber outfit and heels worn for your punishment? __________________ "Chip Tank" in Lake Havasu Az. Started hammerin' Honda 90's around Berryessa, Summer of Love '67

04-10-2018, 05:42 PM	#827
Lonster Veteran AMA #: 305491 Budman's errand boy Barf Brick and smoking Contributor Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The Emerald Triangle Motorcycles: RG500 Gamma, Lucky Strike 750, RD400, GT80, Italjet 50 Name: Lonster	How come there's 2 doors on a chicken coupe? Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a sedan. __________________ Lnster R.I.P. Champ Nicky Hayden Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming– “Wow! What a Ride!” — Hunter S. Thompson

04-11-2018, 10:13 AM	#829
SuperMike Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! AMA #: 2815988 Barfie Winner 2007 & 2017 Contributor ++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++ BB Barf Roadside Angel Contributor Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Marsh Creek Springs Motorcycles: 1969 Honda CT90, 2008 KTM SuperDuke 990 Name: o_O	A man was sitting in his car in stopped traffic on the highway when a cop knocked on his window. He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?" The officer said, "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help." The man said, "Ok. How much are other people giving?" The officer replied, "On average, about two gallons." __________________ . As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people... On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. -H. L. Mencken, 1920 *When life is too much to swallow, BARF it up.* -wildlianas This entire forum needs sumo suit wrestling and or psychedelics. -Mike95060 stickers are very very important -stangmx13

04-17-2018, 12:00 PM	#832
CocoLoco FN #5 Contributor Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: East Bay Motorcycles: CM450C (sold), FJ600 (sold), CBR1000RRx2 Name:	What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines? The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine. __________________ You can't read between the lines without also looking at the lines. -rodr Perfect people are boring as fuck. -afm199

04-18-2018, 01:02 PM	#835
budman General Menace AMA Life Member #203453 Highway Aviator Founding Member Top Percent Poster Community Contributor + BB Moto Junkie Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Palo Alto, Ca. Motorcycles: A few here and there Name: Budman	A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants...... After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: "I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas .. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches. Just send the fucking wine back... __________________ Your friendly neighborhood.... Budman BARF Terms of Service Be a BARF Contributor! Support those that support Barf! BARF Sponsors Racism and RIP threads on Barf - FYI Barf is more than a dub dub dub dealio Group Rides-The info you need to know Godspeed Mom Godspeed Pit Ho Godspeed Nicky #69* AMA #: 203453

04-11-2018, 10:58 AM	#830
Abacinator Unholy Blasphemies Contributor + 1% Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Martinez Motorcycles: 1997 Triumph Tiger 885 "The Tank" Name: Chris

04-17-2018, 05:06 PM	#833
Abacinator Unholy Blasphemies Contributor + 1% Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Martinez Motorcycles: 1997 Triumph Tiger 885 "The Tank" Name: Chris	Or Audi or Porsche or...

04-17-2018, 06:13 PM	#834
ctwo Merely Rhetorical Respectful Contributor Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: auf der motobahn Motorcycles: motatoe Name: Heyou	nobody is inside an s1krr or other...

04-18-2018, 01:27 PM	#836
CocoLoco FN #5 Contributor Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: East Bay Motorcycles: CM450C (sold), FJ600 (sold), CBR1000RRx2 Name:	Well played, sir. __________________ You can't read between the lines without also looking at the lines. -rodr Perfect people are boring as fuck. -afm199

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