BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum

Go Back   BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum > Community > Humor


Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-02-2014, 01:42 PM   #76
JackTheTripper
Shotline For Mod
 
JackTheTripper's Avatar
 
Mod Alumni
Founding Member
Contributor +

Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: San Jose
Motorcycles: Coming... Some day... Maybe.
Name: PersnlInfo
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant.

"I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
__________________
BARF TOS ~ Everything you need to know.
Entitlements

Be a BARF Contributor!

97% of BARFers you meet are going to be really cool. I don't want to be in that other 3%. ~ Donoho
imo garlic doesnt have enough garlic. ~ rljetsetradio
You two, play poker. The rest of you can talk about horse cocks. ~ morthrane
JackTheTripper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2014, 09:11 AM   #77
bikeama
Super Moderator
 
bikeama's Avatar
 
AMA #: 1097
BARF Moderator
Contributor + 3%

Join Date: May 2008
Location: Stockton CA
Motorcycles: 2020 BMW S1000XR Lowride.
Name: Bill
MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
bikeama is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2014, 10:12 AM   #78
Pushrod
Veteran
 
Pushrod's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Central Florida
Motorcycles: VTR, R100RS,CB500
Name:
16. Unexplained anger in a woman always has an illogical explanation.
Pushrod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2014, 04:06 PM   #79
bojangle
FN # 40
 
bojangle's Avatar
 
BARF Moderator
Contributor

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bay Area
Motorcycles: Kawasaki Versys 1000LT, Prior: Honda 600RR Graffiti, Kawi 650R
Name: D
__________________
BARF Terms of Service

I use micro agressive trigger words.

""This is my shield. I bear it before me into battle, but it is not mine alone. It protects my city. I will never let my brother out of its shadow nor my city out of its shelter. I will die with my shield before me... facing the enemy." Author Unknown "
bojangle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2014, 09:12 PM   #80
Yakoo752
USN
 
Yakoo752's Avatar
 
AMA # 3164290
Contributor ++++++++++ 2%

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Cupertino
Motorcycles: M900
Name: Mateusz


I jokes like that
__________________
IMPERIUM NEPTUNI REGIS-Member of the Barf Chapter of the Ancient Order of Trusty Shellbacks
Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikigaisha
Team Triple Threat
Cygnus 12.02.10
Yakoo752 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2014, 10:29 PM   #81
bojangle
FN # 40
 
bojangle's Avatar
 
BARF Moderator
Contributor

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bay Area
Motorcycles: Kawasaki Versys 1000LT, Prior: Honda 600RR Graffiti, Kawi 650R
Name: D
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yakoo752 View Post


I jokes like that
But how do you like your coffee?
__________________
BARF Terms of Service

I use micro agressive trigger words.

""This is my shield. I bear it before me into battle, but it is not mine alone. It protects my city. I will never let my brother out of its shadow nor my city out of its shelter. I will die with my shield before me... facing the enemy." Author Unknown "
bojangle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2014, 10:55 PM   #82
dmaxAl
Veteran
 
dmaxAl's Avatar
 
AMA #: 2815458
Contributor + + + + + 2%

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: ahead of the curve
Motorcycles: Adele
Name: Al
#24 defines barf.
dmaxAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2014, 12:19 AM   #83
stoppie
Time For A Nap
 
stoppie's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belmont
Motorcycles: CBR1K KTM525EXC Supermoto weestrom
Name: CARL
Build a man a fire and keep him warm for a night.

Set a man on fire and keep him warm for life.
stoppie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2014, 02:52 PM   #84
JackTheTripper
Shotline For Mod
 
JackTheTripper's Avatar
 
Mod Alumni
Founding Member
Contributor +

Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: San Jose
Motorcycles: Coming... Some day... Maybe.
Name: PersnlInfo
I actually laughed out loud at #15.
__________________
BARF TOS ~ Everything you need to know.
Entitlements

Be a BARF Contributor!

97% of BARFers you meet are going to be really cool. I don't want to be in that other 3%. ~ Donoho
imo garlic doesnt have enough garlic. ~ rljetsetradio
You two, play poker. The rest of you can talk about horse cocks. ~ morthrane
JackTheTripper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2014, 03:49 PM   #85
budman
General Menace
 
budman's Avatar
 
AMA Life Member #203453
Highway Aviator
Founding Member
Top Percent Poster
Community Contributor + BB
Moto Junkie

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Palo Alto, Ca.
Motorcycles: Keep me rocking life
Name: Budman
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk A carton of eggs A quart of orange juice A head of lettuce A 2 lb. can of coffee A 1 lb. package of bacon As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.
budman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2014, 10:48 AM   #86
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
Here is an email sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after
an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.
-------------------------
Dear Mr. Page...

I always love your articles. and I generally agree with them. I
would suggest, as in an email I received, they change the name to the
"Foreskins" to better represent their community, ...paying tribute to the prick
heads in Congress.

Here are some other politically correctness to consider:

I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by
the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to
name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as
fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit
of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the
Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name
Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of
militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a
team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that
tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic
religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New
Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres. Then there are
the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking
about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message
to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even
spending habits. Wrong message to our children .

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a
growing childhood epidemic . Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates . Wrong message to
our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers---well that goes without saying. Wrong message
to our children.

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out
to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved
with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing congress
loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in
mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers".

CP.
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2014, 01:41 PM   #87
Loki1000R
Fok Julle Naaiers
 
Loki1000R's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: S>F>
Motorcycles: RC51:( KTM 950SMR
Name: LOsquidKI
fuckin awesome
__________________
Be silent, be violent. And link those fucking videos

Why Should One Give A Fuck If A Victim Shoots Their Victimizer-Meter Man

I am so sad for you that you were conceived with pee-amazighlol
Loki1000R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2014, 08:10 AM   #88
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt.

The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing 'Go Sarah' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to the Bay Area and get another one?"
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2014, 08:13 AM   #89
Cycle61
What the shit is this...
 
Cycle61's Avatar
 
Contributographer

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: East of the snow
Motorcycles: yes
Name:
__________________
TPW

Washington sucks and it rains all the time.

If I didn't hurt your feelings, then I retract my apology. - bruceflinch
Cycle61 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2014, 01:47 PM   #90
bikeama
Super Moderator
 
bikeama's Avatar
 
AMA #: 1097
BARF Moderator
Contributor + 3%

Join Date: May 2008
Location: Stockton CA
Motorcycles: 2020 BMW S1000XR Lowride.
Name: Bill
Yup, some people canít handle the truth!

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."


Guess where the fu[k I am now...
bikeama is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.