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Old 01-02-2015, 10:47 AM   #196
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How did the insane guy find his way out of the jungle?

He took the psycho path.

derp
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Old 01-04-2015, 10:29 AM   #197
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I was thinking of inventing a belt made of watches but then figured out it was was a...


waist of time



if you used watches to make a head band...


would you be ahead of time?
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Last edited by Yakoo752; 01-04-2015 at 01:13 PM..
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Old 01-04-2015, 11:13 AM   #198
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Name: The Koi
I went to a zoo, it only had one animal and it was a dog.


































It was a Shitzu
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:12 PM   #199
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If you used clocks as the legs for a moonshine apparatus...

would that be making time stand still?
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:19 PM   #200
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If you murdered someone in a rice field with a porcelain doll......





Would that be a knick knack paddy whack?
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:57 PM   #201
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How do you confound an Irishman.

Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:59 AM   #202
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How is the average BARF response like a stuck-up midget prisoner going down the stairs?

They're both a little condescending.
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Old 01-05-2015, 11:09 AM   #203
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Why did Sally fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Not Sally!
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Old 01-05-2015, 11:30 AM   #204
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More anti-jokes

What did Batman say to Robin just before they got in the car?
"Get in the car."


A man walks into a bar and says, "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter! Boy are my arms tired!" Everyone groaned and ignored him.
The man sat alone at the end of the bar with his beer. He was proud of the craftsmanship that went into the shelves he'd installed at the shelter, even if nobody else appreciated it.


Hellen Keller walks into a bar...
then a chair, then the wall, because it's a room she's never been in before.


My friends say I'm too condescending.
If you didn't know, that means I talk down to people.


A guy goes to his doctor for an annual checkup, and the doc says, "You really need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why is that?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you" says the doc.
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Old 01-05-2015, 12:34 PM   #205
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the last one
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I am so sad for you that you were conceived with pee-amazighlol
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Old 01-05-2015, 07:53 PM   #206
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So these brothers were building a tunnel near their house for fun when the whole thing caved in on them. Fortunately everyone escaped.

Just a few miner injuries.
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Old 01-08-2015, 04:45 PM   #207
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bcv_west View Post
A guy goes to his doctor for an annual checkup, and the doc says, "You really need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why is that?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you" says the doc.
I just bit into an orange and then read this. I choked. Thanks for almost killing me, dick.
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Old 01-09-2015, 11:43 AM   #208
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You should never trust an atom...





They make up everything
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:59 PM   #209
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I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:02 PM   #210
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didn't see that coming.
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