BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum

Go Back   BARF - Bay Area Riders Forum > Community > Humor


Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-10-2014, 11:32 AM   #166
BillSmith
Mild Hawg
 
BillSmith's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Work SF Bay/ Home State of Jefferson
Motorcycles: HD 2011 FXDF Dyna Fat Bob
Name: Bill
tizzle tazzel...

Anyone identify any of those above potential double-entendres as queries from an 'Ancient and Honorable Order'?

And might I ask, "Are you a Turtle?"
__________________
Bill Smith
Dichotomous existence-SF Bay & State of Jefferson
2011 HD FXDF
Sometimes a bike is just a bike.
BillSmith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2014, 08:56 AM   #167
Bowling4Bikes
Steee-riiike!
 
Bowling4Bikes's Avatar
 
Contributor + BB

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Fremont
Motorcycles: '02 Ducati ST4s
Name: D
^Oh the Joys of Californication!
Bowling4Bikes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2014, 03:17 PM   #168
budman
General Menace
 
budman's Avatar
 
AMA Life Member #203453
Highway Aviator
Founding Member
Top Percent Poster
Community Contributor + BB
Moto Junkie

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Palo Alto, Ca.
Motorcycles: Keep me rocking life
Name: Budman
Quickie Wife one liners for your entertainment:

• The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

• I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

• After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!

• I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

• The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

• My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
budman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2014, 02:26 AM   #169
Loki1000R
Fok Julle Naaiers
 
Loki1000R's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: S>F>
Motorcycles: RC51:( KTM 950SMR
Name: LOsquidKI
the last one
__________________
Be silent, be violent. And link those fucking videos

Why Should One Give A Fuck If A Victim Shoots Their Victimizer-Meter Man

I am so sad for you that you were conceived with pee-amazighlol
Loki1000R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2014, 10:59 PM   #170
bcv_west
Veteran
 
bcv_west's Avatar
 
Help I'm a bug

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Alamo
Motorcycles: 2 wheels + motor
Name: Tim
A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre...so he gives it to her.
bcv_west is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2014, 11:04 PM   #171
bcv_west
Veteran
 
bcv_west's Avatar
 
Help I'm a bug

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Alamo
Motorcycles: 2 wheels + motor
Name: Tim
A 911 dispatcher gets a call one day, the guy sounds panicked.

'Sir, can you tell me the nature of the emergency?'

'My buddy and I were out hunting, and he just grabbed his chest and fell over! I think he's dead!'

'Sir, please just calm down. First, I need you to make sure he's dead.'

'Ok, hang on' says the guy.

She hears a shot, and the guy gets back on the line. 'Ok, now what?'
bcv_west is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2014, 11:14 PM   #172
bcv_west
Veteran
 
bcv_west's Avatar
 
Help I'm a bug

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Alamo
Motorcycles: 2 wheels + motor
Name: Tim
Many years ago, a shepherd would take his flock out into the high hills to graze for months on end, with no-one for company but him, his dog, and his pet sheep Polly. Every night they sit around the fire together, staring into the flames. One night, he's staring into the fire when he feels an urge. As he casually puts his arm around Polly, his dog jumps up and bares its teeth. He gets the message and moves away.

The very next day, a small plane crashes into the hillside above camp. The sole survivor is a young woman, badly injured and unable to travel. He tirelessly nurses her back to health, and gradually she gets stronger, walking further each day and joining the group around the fire each night.

One night, as she drowses against his shoulder, the fire warming them, he starts to feel an urge again. He carefully puts an arm around her, leans over, and whispers "can you take the dog for a walk?"
bcv_west is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-24-2014, 04:24 PM   #173
budman
General Menace
 
budman's Avatar
 
AMA Life Member #203453
Highway Aviator
Founding Member
Top Percent Poster
Community Contributor + BB
Moto Junkie

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Palo Alto, Ca.
Motorcycles: Keep me rocking life
Name: Budman



the Toast

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
budman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-24-2014, 07:10 PM   #174
rodr
Veteran
 
rodr's Avatar
 
AMA #: 2846730
Contributor + + + +

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Oz
Motorcycles: CB500XA
Name: Rod
for the last 3.
rodr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2014, 12:33 PM   #175
budman
General Menace
 
budman's Avatar
 
AMA Life Member #203453
Highway Aviator
Founding Member
Top Percent Poster
Community Contributor + BB
Moto Junkie

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Palo Alto, Ca.
Motorcycles: Keep me rocking life
Name: Budman
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.


Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it is safe to come home.
budman is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2014, 01:00 PM   #176
dmaxAl
Veteran
 
dmaxAl's Avatar
 
AMA #: 2815458
Contributor + + + + + 2%

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: ahead of the curve
Motorcycles: Adele
Name: Al
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcv_west View Post
A 911 dispatcher gets a call one day, the guy sounds panicked.

'Sir, can you tell me the nature of the emergency?'

'My buddy and I were out hunting, and he just grabbed his chest and fell over! I think he's dead!'

'Sir, please just calm down. First, I need you to make sure he's dead.'

'Ok, hang on' says the guy.

She hears a shot, and the guy gets back on the line. 'Ok, now what?'
dmaxAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2014, 08:38 PM   #177
Dubbington
Slamdunk Champion
 
Dubbington's Avatar
 
Contributor

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: East Yay
Motorcycles: EX Street Triple ;(
Name: Dubs
Women watch the Bachelor and men watch porn, both end in holding a box of Kleenex.
__________________
Everything I'm Not Is Everything I Am


Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Quote:
Barack Obama ain't taking my shotguns, so don't buy that malarkey. … I've got two, if he tries to fool with my Beretta, he's got a problem. -Biden
Dubbington is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2014, 08:45 AM   #178
EastBayDave
- Kawasaki Fanatic -
 
EastBayDave's Avatar
 
Founding Member
From the heart

Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Lorenzo, CA "The Mudflats"
Motorcycles: ZRX1200
Name: "Dave"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubbington View Post
Women watch the Bachelor and men watch porn, both end in holding a box of Kleenex.
can't use Kleenex, blow a hole right thru it & damage ceiling.
__________________
Enjoy the ride!
EastBayDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2014, 08:53 AM   #179
vaibhavdesai137
YoYoYo Wassup!
 
vaibhavdesai137's Avatar
 
Contributor +++ 1%

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Fremont
Motorcycles: '14 MTS1200S GT, '09 Ninja 250 Track, '14 Z1000 Sold
Name: Vaibhav
Teacher: "Complete the sentence, if my cup is only half full..."

Wise Johnny quickly says: "May be you need a smaller bra"

__________________
Ride to your ability, not to your imagination - Some wise dude
vaibhavdesai137 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2014, 02:34 PM   #180
dmaxAl
Veteran
 
dmaxAl's Avatar
 
AMA #: 2815458
Contributor + + + + + 2%

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: ahead of the curve
Motorcycles: Adele
Name: Al
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"
dmaxAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:39 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.