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Old 06-10-2020, 11:14 AM   #1066
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Three immigrants, having recently emigrated to New York city find themselves in a bar together and are adjusting to their new home. The Russian strikes up a conversation with the other two, feeling nostalgic about his homeland.

"In St. Petersburg, I used to go to bar called Crazy Ivan's. At Crazy Ivans, after every 3rd drink you buy, Ivan give you shot of Vodka on ze house." The other two comrades nodded in approval.

The Italian spoke next. "Well datsa nice, but in Firenze we hada bar called Guiseppe's. Atta Guiseppe's, whena you buy a drink, Guiseppe woulda buy you a drink every time." Again, his fellows nodded approvingly.

Now the Irishman spoke. "Well boyos, now that amateur hour's over, let's talk about Murphy's in Dublin. When you go to Murphy's, they'll buy your first drink, they'll buy your second drink, they'll buy your third drink, and when ya tire of drinkin', they'll take you out in the back and get you laid!"

Astonished, the Russian and Italian ask the Irishman, "That's incredible! What're we doing here in NY when we could be drinking there? Did that actually happen to you?!"

"Nah," the Irishman says. "But it happened to me sister!"
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Old 06-10-2020, 11:21 AM   #1067
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Old 06-12-2020, 02:18 PM   #1068
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Four engineers were riding in the same car on the way to a technical trade show. The car breaks down on the way. The mechanical engineer says, "Man, I heard some rattling. I think that this motor is in need of a valve job."

The electrical engineer says, "No, I heard something odd. I think that your battery is the issue.

The chemical engineer says, "Do you guys smell that? I think that there might be some water in the fuel."

The software engineer says, "Guys, why don't we all to get out and get back in again?"
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Old 06-13-2020, 01:42 PM   #1069
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Old 06-13-2020, 07:17 PM   #1070
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Old 06-18-2020, 06:48 PM   #1071
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Hodaka Ace 90. I've been riding these things too long. What can I say? How about that Combat Wombat?

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Old 07-22-2020, 03:30 PM   #1072
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why do millennials love odd numbers?

because they can't even
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Old 07-24-2020, 08:08 PM   #1073
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lol
lots of good ones!
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Old 07-27-2020, 12:18 AM   #1074
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youtu.be/gIfVFc7PlxQ

The comments Indians hear from white people all the time.

The second half is funnier where the situation is reversed:

My favorite is “did your parents date, fall in love, and get married?” But among the younger generation of Indians born in Western cultures, they ask each other this question too.
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Old 07-30-2020, 06:58 PM   #1075
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....So you can fit more of them in a pickup truck.

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Old 08-08-2020, 10:25 AM   #1076
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Here is a good one.



Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today."

Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great. Dad, I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

“It’s nothing," said the father "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived "Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.




Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and said, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"








"Yep," said the father, "Cheap ones, too."
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Old 08-08-2020, 11:04 AM   #1077
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Good very good.
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“Being offended by the past using today's sensibilities, or un-sensibilities as it were, is disgusting”

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Old 08-08-2020, 08:34 PM   #1078
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Since yesterday was Dwight Clark day, I have to dredge up an old joke from the 80’s.

So, this huge sports fan died and went to heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who welcomed him and offered to give him a tour of their sports facilities. The sports fan happily accepted the offer.

St. Peter first took the fan to the soccer pitch. The guy was amazed that everything what white including the grass and the ball. But, he had to ask, “St. Peter, I notice that everyone is wearing white jerseys. How do they know which team they’re on?”

St. Peter replies, “Son, this is Heaven. You just know.”

Then the tour went to the basketball courts where the fan was amazed that everything was white again including all the uniforms. The fan asks again, “Everyone is wearing white again here. How do they know which team they are on?”

St. Peter gave the same aswer, “Son, this is Heaven. You just know.”

Finally, the tour went through the football stadium where a couple teams were playing. The fan noticed a slight difference and asked, “St. Peter, I noticed that everyone here is wearing a white jersey as well, but the quarterback is wearing a red jersey with a number 16 on it. Why is it different here?”

St. Peter replies, “Oh, that's God. He thinks he’s Joe Montana.”
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Old 08-26-2020, 09:59 AM   #1079
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A man walks in the the bar. Asks the bartender for a Corona and 2 Hurricanes. The bartenders says that will be $20.20
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