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Doom, Gloom and dealing with negativity from non riders

T

ToAdventure

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2015
Location
Part of the year So Cal, Part of the year Emeryvil
Moto(s)
Just got my license and am looking for a CBR250
I'm a new rider and petite gal, but when discover that I ride, it comes as somewhat of a shock to most people. Don't get me wrong, I get my fair share of people that are happy and supportive but I still haven't figured out how to deal with all the negativity that comes with the territory.

Recently, I've had my enthusiasm for riding met with horrible stories, graphic photos of recovery and even!! Wishes of me getting hurt!!

I know this is probably pretty common and I wonder how do y'all handle it? I never know what to say.

My recent responses have been:

"I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable , but I'm gonna ignore your advice."

Or.. " I understand that you're trying to look out for me. But I have to live my life without fear of the future."

Sometimes I feel a bit sassy and want to talk back to them but I just try to see the intention behind what they say.
 
Wow I've never had people go so far. I get lots of "ride safe!", which I say thank you to.

What exactly do they say to you? I need to more context to tell if they're well meaning or just being jerks.
 
In the back of your head just know what they are missing out on and ride on
 
It just goes with the territory. Everyone you have ever known will suddenly feel the urge to immediately tell you "riding is dangerous." :afm199

Oh really? Thanks, I didn't know that. Enjoy your day while I wheelie away.
 
I think some of that is sexist. Guys getting all protective and know-it-all-ish and shit. Maybe even insecure that you can do something "manly". Just ignore it. For me, when I told my sisters and a couple of good friends that I was taking up motorcycling, I got a couple of things like "oh is this a mid-life crisis?" and that was about it. :laughing

Then there are the truly concerned, mainly relatives. Best you can do there is show them how you are making yourself a student of safe riding.

Hope to see you on a ride sometime. :thumbup
 
I like your second response.

FWIW, people really like to share their fears. If another person does not have those fears, it's a threat. It makes the person with the fear a coward by comparison. To avoid that, it becomes imperative to share that fear, and to enforce the choices the fear engenders.

I'm not saying that some folks aren't sincere, but when people who don't know me, and have no relationship with me feel the need to tell me all the graphic, gory stories about their cousin's neighbor's friend's nephew, and that horrible murdersickle that maimed and killed him, that's not about concern for me.

At this point in my life, I've got two things going for me that you don't:

  1. I'm a man, so I'm not fighting gender stereotypes, patriarchy and the rest. There are plenty of women here on BARF who can provide better help with that.
  2. I'm older and have been riding motorcycles longer than most folks who would want to lecture me have been alive. I have the luxury of asking them, "Do you really believe you know more about the risks of motorcycling than I do?" That usually shuts them up.

Keep doing what you're doing. Do everything you can to make yourself a successful motorcyclist - keep your bike maintained, wear good gear, build your riding skills and awareness, and have FUN the whole time. You'll be fine. :ride
 
yeah... i get stories of people telling me how they know someone who either died or become disabled.

I've gotten some that say "i have no sympathy if you die since you're involved in something crazy like riding"

one story even said how he knows a guy who was in an accident and "he's now in a wheelchair and cant even masterbate anymore, is that what you want?"

but i've got stories of my own, including family members who've passed away from riding a motorcycle - one such is a brother in law who just hit 18 and within two weeks or so of riding, got into an accident and passed away.

In the end i still ride, maybe i have a death wish i dunno, but its therapy for me for all the shit that's happened in my life, and i usually tell folks of other people who've gone before me, not doing what they want out of life... like a 33 year old friend who got lung cancer out of the blue and passed away... and that life's too short to not do what you want to do.

That if i bite the bullet, that i did something i loved and i have no regrets. My parents understand this now as they get older in their years and reflecting on their past of regrets and sorrows.
 
More people die driving cars, more people die riding horses. Just tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. Or ask them if they'd like to see all the horrible car wreck pictures you have saved up.
 
Chuckle and ignore them. If you must say anything, wish them a nice case of the Clap, because unlike their inappropriately stupid comments it is curable.
 
I have the advantage of being a man, a bit older and 24 years of riding under my belt. For me this mainly comes up within context of a crash I had about 2 years ago now involving a broken collar bone. My standard line has been to say, "This wasn't my first rodeo. I have broken bones before and will again." Then I just smile at them and that closes the subject.

It has been a while since someone tried to lecture me with their story of woe but if it were to happen now, I would just cut them off and let them know I have been riding for long time.

So I guess if you can rack up a decade or two that shuts the conversation down. Until then you will just need to find polite ways to change the subject.
 
"Don't care, mind your own fucking business." and walk away.
 
If they say something completely ignorant I ask follow up questions to establish they don't know what they're talking about. If they complain about lane splitting, I complain about bad drivers eating, drinking, talking, applying makeup, chatting with their friends, using a mobile phone etc. If they ask about listening to music while riding, I ask if they listen to music while riding. If they say their girlfriend is a nurse, I ask them if they know about confirmation bias.
 
Everyone has "Uncle Fred" stories. Riders and non-riders. Especially here. In fact, the folks here tend to keep it up front and relevant all the time. We don't bury the risk.

Look at the RIP threads, the rider down threads, the hopes and prayers for complete strangers that aren't even part of this community. More so because they're part of the extended riding community.

We all downplay the risk, but at the same time, the risk is overplayed.

But as riders, we look at the statistics how many folks are injured so close to home, and that's why we like to go on long rides. Safer that way :).

I've said it before, I love riding, I will crow from the bell towers about what I like about it. But I don't recommend it to anyone. It IS dangerous. I won't talk anyone in to it. I'll stay neutral and ambivalent until someone commits, and not hold myself up as an example of someone who has managed to successfully ride a motorcycle long term.

But once they make the jump, once they're on the road, once they're "part of the problem" like the rest of us, well then I embrace them with welcome arms. Then we can swap war stories, analyze rough situations, rant on cagers, celebrate and remember the people we've lost.

Then we'll mount up and ride anyway. Because that's what we do.

But know this. This is a Good Statistic. 42% of motorcycle deaths are single vehicle accidents. That means mostly, not always, but mostly, the operator was at fault in some way. The best thing about that, is you can do something about the operator, because that's you. You can't do anything about the yahoo who turns left in front of you, or some other random meteor strike that hits you.

But you can affect the quality of the operator, the maintenance of the machine, the environments where you choose to ride. So, consider that good news, work that problem and watch the statistics drop dramatically for your case. Notice how motorcycling just got potentially much more safe, and that's thanks to you.

Oh, and welcome to the club. Have fun.
 
"you know im not going to stop riding because of your opinion. so you should just say 'ride safe' and stop being a dick"... or something like that.
 
The worst are the ones "that used to have a bike", but "got rid of it"...due to a crash. Almost always a Harley, or so it seems.

Just keep on riding, then someday, when your a seasoned relic like me, you can say "That's what people who give up riding always say.."
 
I had a nurse laugh and call me a "donor" when I told her I ride.

I wonder if they do that for mountain climbers, sky divers, skiiers or other people who may get injured having fun superfluously while my possible death is mocked for trying to save some money on commuting.

Normal people I get are ignorant assholes. But it was just especially grating coming from someone who probably shouldn't be laughing to your face about it.

My friend/roommate's dad died while riding a motorcycle but other than informing me about what happened she acknowledged that he never rode much before then and had severe ADD.

These days I just try to unnerve them as much as possible. Head them off at the pass with a "I'd rather die doing what I love than forget my own family's faces when I'm 80".
 
As a middle-aged dude who's been riding for awhile, I don't get many questions. When I do, if they're well-meaning, I usually just say "well, you gotta die of something." Tends to be a conversation stopper.

If I were a woman, I'd probably say 'no worries, I ride like a girl'. If they still don't figure out they're being patronizing, they're too dumb to bother with.
 
dare said:
Wow I've never had people go so far. I get lots of "ride safe!", which I say thank you to.

What exactly do they say to you? I need to more context to tell if they're well meaning or just being jerks.
Click to expand...

Some of the recent gems are :

Co worker: "I noticed you have a death wish."
Me: " huh?"
Co worker: " you have a motorcycle. I didn't know you were suicidal."

"You should get a go pro, so that we can all see the footage of you going through that Ferrari window."

" why are you doing that? You're too small and fragile to be doing something so risky"

And countless others.. Lots and lots of the " my cousin's hairdressers best friend's neighbor spent 4 months in a coma thanks to a motorcycle"

But, the worst.. So far was one super sweet lady that insisted on showing me the recovery photos of her husband that got hit by a soccer mom in an SUV. Needed hip surgery and can " never work" in construction ever again.
It's Sad, but It makes me wonder.. What's his take on it?

In any case.. I don't think I should have to keep my riding a secret. I shouldn't have to sneak a change of clothes in to work. It's my life, and they should just let me live it. I was just curious of your take on it
 
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