- Joined
- Jul 14, 2004
- Location
- Oakland
- Moto(s)
- ...between bikes
- Name
- Heather
- BARF perks
- AMA #: 1028914
I dismounted the bike this morning and walked up to the lobby of the office building where I work. I had taken my helmet off as I crossed the street. That used to be something I did at the bike so I could check my hair before venturing too far into the public eye. As I noticed myself in the glass I realized that was a practice I should pick up again. Thankfully the cute parking lot attendant wasn't there today. I'm sure his buddy talks though..."Hey, you know that chick that rides the red bike? Yeah, whoa...looked like she'd had a rough night."
The hair looked like I'd been given the noogie from Hell. Little whispies sticking out of the sides...a single tweaker poking out of the back--probably from my cowlick. I looked like freakin' Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. At least I didn't look like Buckwheat today. Not that I'd mind looking black, but a white girl just shouldn't have a 'fro, no she shouldn't....and I've had one on more than one occasion due to the darned Arai.
I've also sported the little ribs you get in your hair if you've gotten a tad sweaty and the hair happens to have a little body right before you've put the helmet on. I've seen guys with this too. The best are the buzz cuts that get a little too long. The helmet comes off and they look like some Supercuts version of Robocop.
I've sported what I like to call "Seaweed on a Rock" also. That's where someone with fine hair like myself takes off her lid only to realize that maybe she'd not completely washed out all the conditioner...the hair is completely matted down to her dome. It looks like the tide went out and the kelp is just hanging there. Fortunately it doesn't smell that way.
"The Halo" or "Angel" is one of my personal favorites. It's a version of "The 'Fro" but it's not curly, nor is it even all the way around. This one is usually just around the face for some reason and it usually occurs in the absence of any hair product. The hair appears to have been electrified via fork in an outlet or rubbing a balloon--neither of which have I done in at least a decade, mind you. If the sun catches it just right, you get a halo effect.
"The Crimp" is a personal pet peeve... See, I have bangs. They're layered into the rest of the hair. I usually comb them back into the rest of my mop so they're not really obvious as bangs, but sometimes the helmet catches them just so and it puts a crimp in them. This particular anomaly requires that I wet the hair down to straighten it out. There's some sort of kinetic energy in this hair-do, because it's extremely difficult to remove the crimp... A good crimp can almost ruin my day as I sulk about looking like Cindy Lauper from an 80's video.
"F*ck Knots" is another prize 'do. It's almost impossible to notice this one on yourself. It's the same kind of mussed up do that a lady who's <ahem> "been on her back" gets. I often see this one in photos of myself on rides. I don't like to pose for pictures and so I turn around, only to show off a rat's nest in the back of my head. "F*ck Knots" can also show up on the side of your head, too, and usually it's just on one side or the other.
Every now and then I'll get a little curl or wave pressed into my hair. It reminds me of the vixens of the Golden Age of Hollywood when they had silken tresses with every hair in place and into luxurious ringlets. When it happens to me, it's gorgeous. Really. Five minutes later, however, the hair decides to look more like "seaweed on a rock."
I've seen all sorts of stuff that I've yet to name... gals with really long hair that leave it whipping around in the wind--it appears that only the ends have been teased, like a Twisted Sister/Bon Jovi band member wannabe that didn't make the cut due to poor hairspray technique. I've seen guys with manes that employ multiple rubber bands as if this redundancy of tie-backs will somehow lessen the frizz that awaits them after helmet removal. Curly-headed peeps--I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Here's a razor. Just make up a good story about rejection of standard beauty and liking Sinead O'Connor if you're a woman. For the guys--just tell anyone who asks you about it that you've recently killed a man and grunt. Hope it throws them long enough for you to grab your latte order and run for the gel.
The hair looked like I'd been given the noogie from Hell. Little whispies sticking out of the sides...a single tweaker poking out of the back--probably from my cowlick. I looked like freakin' Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. At least I didn't look like Buckwheat today. Not that I'd mind looking black, but a white girl just shouldn't have a 'fro, no she shouldn't....and I've had one on more than one occasion due to the darned Arai.
I've also sported the little ribs you get in your hair if you've gotten a tad sweaty and the hair happens to have a little body right before you've put the helmet on. I've seen guys with this too. The best are the buzz cuts that get a little too long. The helmet comes off and they look like some Supercuts version of Robocop.
I've sported what I like to call "Seaweed on a Rock" also. That's where someone with fine hair like myself takes off her lid only to realize that maybe she'd not completely washed out all the conditioner...the hair is completely matted down to her dome. It looks like the tide went out and the kelp is just hanging there. Fortunately it doesn't smell that way.
"The Halo" or "Angel" is one of my personal favorites. It's a version of "The 'Fro" but it's not curly, nor is it even all the way around. This one is usually just around the face for some reason and it usually occurs in the absence of any hair product. The hair appears to have been electrified via fork in an outlet or rubbing a balloon--neither of which have I done in at least a decade, mind you. If the sun catches it just right, you get a halo effect.
"The Crimp" is a personal pet peeve... See, I have bangs. They're layered into the rest of the hair. I usually comb them back into the rest of my mop so they're not really obvious as bangs, but sometimes the helmet catches them just so and it puts a crimp in them. This particular anomaly requires that I wet the hair down to straighten it out. There's some sort of kinetic energy in this hair-do, because it's extremely difficult to remove the crimp... A good crimp can almost ruin my day as I sulk about looking like Cindy Lauper from an 80's video.
"F*ck Knots" is another prize 'do. It's almost impossible to notice this one on yourself. It's the same kind of mussed up do that a lady who's <ahem> "been on her back" gets. I often see this one in photos of myself on rides. I don't like to pose for pictures and so I turn around, only to show off a rat's nest in the back of my head. "F*ck Knots" can also show up on the side of your head, too, and usually it's just on one side or the other.
Every now and then I'll get a little curl or wave pressed into my hair. It reminds me of the vixens of the Golden Age of Hollywood when they had silken tresses with every hair in place and into luxurious ringlets. When it happens to me, it's gorgeous. Really. Five minutes later, however, the hair decides to look more like "seaweed on a rock."
I've seen all sorts of stuff that I've yet to name... gals with really long hair that leave it whipping around in the wind--it appears that only the ends have been teased, like a Twisted Sister/Bon Jovi band member wannabe that didn't make the cut due to poor hairspray technique. I've seen guys with manes that employ multiple rubber bands as if this redundancy of tie-backs will somehow lessen the frizz that awaits them after helmet removal. Curly-headed peeps--I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Here's a razor. Just make up a good story about rejection of standard beauty and liking Sinead O'Connor if you're a woman. For the guys--just tell anyone who asks you about it that you've recently killed a man and grunt. Hope it throws them long enough for you to grab your latte order and run for the gel.
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