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How to get a POS deadbeat dad out of the picture?

C

Cali

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2002
Location
BOI
Moto(s)
Yamasaki CBR 750
Legally....

So my wife has a child from a previous marriage to a POS. Wonderful girl, love her with all my heart. Her biological father is worthless and we really need to get him out of the picture for her sake, and our own.

He has a DUI from the last year, convicted of felony domestic abuse in the last year, a proven history with drug and alcohol dependency, is $1200 behind in child support when his bum ass only has to pay $472 a month, is supposed to carry health insurance on her and isn't, and as far as being a father, he is worthless. He does buy her toys now and then when he gets to see her, but he isn't a father to her in any way. He didn't even bother to call her on Christmas day. When he does call, he says he'll call back later to tell her goodnight, and NEVER does. Rarely calls back when he says he's going to, and he is ordered to call at least twice a week.

He is ordered to do random drug and alcohol tests, but has admittedly cheated and used a bag of urine from his brother and hid it under his sack. Doesn't matter that the clinic eventually found that out afterwords, nothing happened. He is constantly seen by friends in bars or casinos drinking when he is ordered not to, and is never caught. We recently saw him out drinking, reported it to the police, but they never came so we can't prove it. And when we didn't let him see her because of it, he claimed the drinks were his girlfriends and not his. So after that I suggested we go to the police station and take a breath test, he refused of course and said he's busy and doesn't want to play our games. We know he still does shit, but he is never caught.

And even though he, in the last year got a DUI and a felony against him, is a resident alien, his dumb ass was never deported.

Really, what can be done to get this jackass out of our lives? I'm more than willing to take an ass whoopin just to get him to violate his probation, but he isn't quite stupid enough to do that.

Do any of you know the best way to handle this? The courts know about some of this, but not all. And even if they did know it all, are they even going to do anything?
 
Have you looked into adopting the girl?

Supposedly part of the paperwork involves having the biological father sign away his parental rights and responsibilities.
 
I believe violence is your only recourse.......any mobster movie with scenes involving baseball bats and large plastic garbage bags should point you in the direction of your actions. I'm not a tough guy, but I play one on the intraweb.
 
I don't know what you can do, but best wishes to you. You are a a fantastic person for taking on the challenges of fatherhood for another man's child. Considering the biological your daughter ended up with, she is truly in a blessed situation with your wife and you.

I hope you can work things out to her benefit. Best of luck!
 
If you can get him to sign away his rights, that solves the problem. If you can get him deported, that would work too. But he's obviously not here illegally or all this DUI stuff would have taken care of that. But there is a chance that with the substance abuse stuff you MIGHT be able to talk to INS about it and get his visa revoked.

I'm not 100% sure but you might also be able to talk to child services and maybe there's something they can do as well. But sadly that would end up involving court time and it's probably best not to involve the daughter in stuff like that. It could end up being counter productive in the long run.

Either way. Good luck! I'd certainly try to get him to sign away his parental rights first. Maybe even a restraining order could be attained.
 
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:teeth
 
when ya'll get an answer to this one PLEASE let me know.

My X is a lousy oxygen wasting POS and its breaking my heart to hear my little one cry over this worthless bastard. funny this subject came up tonight- I just held her while she cried her way through another major meltdown.

I'm not going into many details- it reads like bad fiction anyway. I've never received a cent of support. I'm self employed and we get by. I make enough to keep things going and still have a little to play. He's a violent drug addict and there are some days all I can think of is a very deep hole in a very lonely place- and him at the bottom of it. accidents happen, right? like anyone but her would miss him anyway.

I keep intro'ing positive male role models; not dating, but having good friends- esp the ones with kids of their own- is a big help. I think the more she sees of healthy relationships between parents n kids the better.

trying to go through legal channels but its all so frustrating. right now we're keeping him away by virtue of a restraining order and have another court date in two weeks.

all I can say to Cali is :thumbup to you for caring so much about the ladies in your life- that's what a real man does. and to hang in there. sooner or later a solution will present itself.
 
Family law in this state absolutely sucks! It punishes the decent parents then gives rights to scumbags that no reasonable person would agree with!

I had a good friend 15 years ago who had to allow her daughter go for visitations with a father that had molested her when she was under 2 years old! :wtf In addition, he had been convicted of being part of a child porn ring but the court didn't seem fit to enforce supervised visitation! I lost all faith in our legal system after listening to this womans heart-breaking stories and nothing that I've experienced since with my own experiences with child custody have given me any more faith in the system in this state!

If I was in in your shoes, I would carry around a video camera everywhere I went. Video footage of transgressions speak much louder than words.

Good luck, our system assumes that everybody is honorable and respects the law and that it doesn't make any mistakes. Unfortunately scumbags all seem to learn how to circumnavigate the system to their own advantage.
 
Good luck
California wants both parents to be involved and will do their best to try. You can try putting him on professionsally supervised visits but you will probably have to cover the costs because it will be you requesting them. Your best bet as someone else all ready said is to try and get him to sign his parental rights away (try bribery too.. $1k to sign the papers could work). And as Climber said, bring a video camera with you... also try getting a restraining order, you'll probably get the temp signed then you can try for a perm... use the DUI to show he is a danger to the kid.
 
u could get a private investigator to ''catch him in the act'' of all this stuff he isnt suppose to do. then take it to court. i dunno how the system works. but if u need help with a P.I. let me know i can put u into contact with one
 
1sicv8 said:
u could get a private investigator to ''catch him in the act'' of all this stuff he isnt suppose to do. then take it to court. i dunno how the system works. but if u need help with a P.I. let me know i can put u into contact with one
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explaining to a child why you made daddy go away might cause trouble in your future relationship with her. you may have to learn to live with this guy until the child is old enough to understand whats going on. even small amounts of contact from a parent can impact a childs self esteem, no one wants to feel abandoned. you should talk to a psychologist about the impact on the child before doing anything drastic. good luck.
 
as long as you keep demanding support payments, he will be in your life. buy him off, don't pursue it and he will more than likely, just avoid you to avoid the debt, vanish. do you really care if he does not call if you want him out.

as masa said, adoption may be a contractual way to end his legal obligations and visitation privileges until the child is 18.
 
^^^^+1000 at the end of the day it is still her dad, so tread lightly. Gamblers advice is very sage.
 
Dude, sounds like you just don't want him around your wife anymore because of all the default reasons, you called the cops on him while he was drinking??? When is drinking illegal? I don't even think the courts can ban someone of drinking. I;ll bet there's a different story on the other side.
 
GAMBLER said:
explaining to a child why you made daddy go away might cause trouble in your future relationship with her. you may have to learn to live with this guy until the child is old enough to understand whats going on. even small amounts of contact from a parent can impact a childs self esteem, no one wants to feel abandoned. you should talk to a psychologist about the impact on the child before doing anything drastic. good luck.
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My :2cents

The child's age is a big factor. Obviously all we know about this guy is what you have told us. If you, and more importantly, the child's mother, feel that there are no positives to having the child interact with the father, you might want to pursue legal action as others have suggested. Personally I do not feel it is beneficial to keep a child near someone solely based on the fact they are related. Young children, IMO, do not retain as much knowledge through their ears as parents would like (in one, out the other, right?) What they do pick up on is your emotions, your interactions, idiosyncricies, ect., and depending on the child's age, they can aquire the traits and characteristics of the people they interact with. If this guy is a douchbag, you don't want him influncing the child.

I'm sure we could start a huge debate about the fact that regardless of any fathers lifestyle, (would like to avoid that) they have the right to see their little girl. I definitley feel empathy for the father's in this situation, but I feel that they are being selfish, wanting to see the child for thier own reason, not really being concerned with how they might influence the childs life.:(

Do you feel you could sit this guy down, and tell him you are concerned, not only for his daughter, but for him, and even though I assume he won't like it, have him admit to how much he is/isn't involved. Actually get him to say" well I do this and I do that and..."

You respond, yes, you do those things. Then ask him, "Do you honestly feel that they are enough? Do YOU feel you are a positive role model in your daughters life? Do you want her to follow your path?" I'm guessing he will either laugh in your face and tell you to fuck off, or he'll feel like shit (might feel like shit either way just won't show it) If he will admit he might not be the best influence, show concern for him. Let him know that you would love to have him in his daughters life, so long as he won't hinder her growth as an individual (or something along those lines). And if you have time available and can say it and honestly mean it, let him know that if there's anything you can do to help you are there.

The best way I have found to get anyone to do anything (where you know honest, direct open communication will unfortunatley be useless) is to make them believe they came to the decision on their own, and they are happy with their decision. Remember how Tom Saywer got his schoolmates to paint the fence for him? Something along those lines. He might think he found himself a sweet back-exit to his "dilemma" when really it was you who left the door open.

Climber said:
If I was in in your shoes, I would carry around a video camera everywhere I went. Video footage of transgressions speak much louder than words.
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+1,000,000,000,000,000

Hope everything works out for the best.
:ride Ride Safe

P.S. How old is the child?
 
He is court ordered not to drink because of history of it and his felony domestic violence conviction. So yes it is illegal for him.

My father in law offered him $10k to walk away a few years ago and he refused. But at the same time he doesn't show any true desire to be there for her and clearly doesn't take his court ordered drug and alcohol treatment program seriously.

If he stepped up and was a father to her I'd be okay with him around. But he is doing it half assed and that isn't good enough. All or nothing.

My wife wants him gone for those reasons plus her own. Being what she went through that got him his felony.
 
Either not marry a chick with a kid with a crazy dad, or have him sign away his rights. Other than that. Your gonna have a kid with a crazy dad.
 
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