Scared getting a bike....

[warsaw1776]

Thanks everyone. This actually helped a lot. Some comments were much more helpful then others, and a few totally missed the point, but I'm glad I aired it out to you guys.

I'm going to go test drive the bike tomorrow to see about buying it so I guess we will see how it goes. Thanks again and keep the comments coming too!

 

[hophead]

warsaw you sound like a good and level headed kid and I really do applaud you taking into consideration your responsibilities to your mate and to your offspring. This is an issue only you can decide. I was married many years though we never had kids and I really think it is solid to listen to other motorcyclists, both men and women, who have kids and also weigh in on the matter. Barf is the real deal...

 

[Cincinnatus]

FWIW, I'd not even look at a SS bike but shop for a sport-touring or dual sport.

 

[russ69]

Motorcycles are life. Someday I'll have to quit riding but probably not...

 

[warsaw1776]

FWIW, I'd not even look at a SS bike but shop for a sport-touring or dual sport.

I love track days. The thought was that my monster would be a good mix, but I wanted a SS when I had it. I've considered Ducati street fighters, z1000s, SV1000 but none of them do it for me like an SS does.

Only reason I'm not getting a track only bike is because I don't think I will be able to make it to the track enough to get my fix.

 

[NSR500]

I left motorcycles 16yrs ago when my daughter was born. My primary focus getting back into it now will be track schools, track days, and maybe some mellow social rides.
I think about dangers in life all time and just try to stay vigilant. I think you'll be fine since you seem pretty mature about things.

 

[usedtobefast]

A lot of these post were about the moto rider being totally fine with riding but have wives/parents that were concerned.

But the OP mentioned he is scared. If I was scared, I would not ride. You need to be riding with a clear head and confidence. Not out on rides worrying about your wife, new kid, parents, etc. I'd say wait a bit longer.

As for track days, seems everyone I know that has done track days has been down (either pushing things too much, their own mistake, or others taking them out). Sure you eliminate the crazy cages and drastically variable road conditions, but I would not consider a track day a super safe activity.

 

[kingmoochr]

If you actually knew something about reality, You would come up with the right answer, instead of the wrong answer.

My bike can be put in a slice of clear space, that my car can't fit into.

My bike can do it quicker than my econo hybrid car that needs a lane.

I have mondo off road racing history, I can use the ground on the side of the road, that doesn't look usable to normal folk, as well.

I can't help it if what I say doesn't make sense to you...

and when that big rig with no brakes comes flying into the intersection you're stopped at, 6 cars back, out of your field of view because someone crowded you at the light you're waiting at, you're safer on your motorcycle than in your car? when the giant tree from the waterlogged hill falls down feet from your location as you putt along at 30 mph, 5 under the posted speed limit, in a heavy downpour, you stand a better chance on your bike than in a car right? as you hit an unavoidable (I'm really looking forward to learning that there's no such think as an unavoidable patch of black ice...) patch of black ice and careen off the hillside, your leathers (bcuz atgatt) are much safer than 1 ton of steel and airbags?

You're delusional if you honestly think you're safer on your bike than in a car.

But I'm pretty sure I'm preaching to the choir at this point...




To the OP - it's a risk vs reward situation. Can you support your family if you become disabled? Disappear altogether? Everyone dies, is it worth increasing the likelihood (because face it, no one will ever equal lou's prowess on two wheels) for the satisfaction of riding? Increasing your personal risk with no benefit to others is an incredibly selfish act. As a member of a family, you should seriously consider having a conversation both with yourself and your love ones. Everyone here rides (for the most part) so we all accept that risk as a factor in our lives, however, we don't all share the same percentage in relation to impacts on others.

 

[bikeama]

To the OP I am also sorry for your loss. My brother died on Aug 22, 1989 on a ride with me and two other friends. When I got home from the ride I told my wife I would sell my bike if she wanted me to. She told me to wait as riding was a part of who I was. I am a lucky man, and sounds like you are to. Give yourself time to heal if you are scarred about getting a bike. I think you will be happy after you get your next bike.

 

[akacastle]

I'm 49, 2 beautiful kids and a great wife who supports my riding. Kids have definitely made me more cautious and careful. I ride cuz it's something I truly enjoy and they understand that. I agree that life can bite you doing anything or nothing at all (heart attack, hit by a bus, etc.). It's been said before but mitigating your risks in life in general is all you can do (diet, exercise in case of health, gear, in terms of injury, skills, prevention). Hope this helps.

 

[EEL]

After a decade of riding, I've noticed one very important thing:

Your mental state while riding has an incredible impact on your ability to ride and make timely decisions at inopportune moments. I have been happily married for 8 years and have a 6 year old kid (I'll get to that later).

Early on in my marriage, my wife would routinely ask me, when I got back, how my ride was. Sometimes it was amazing, other times my response would be "Meh, I was fighting the bike the entire time". She asked me what was wrong? I had done the same ride (same road, same day of the week, same weather) the weekend before.

It wasn't until I was prodded by her that I thought more clearly about this. The only difference was ME. If I had something on my mind, if I was is a bad mood, if I had just had a stressful day at work, etc, that is what made the difference.

Since then, I've made it a point to ride with a clear state of mind with the intent of riding being the primary goal. I still have "meh" moments but they are limited in nature. If I'm upset, flustered, stressed or for those times when you have marital spats, the keys to the bike stay in the house.

Now about the kid:
I got and still get the same guilt trip from my parents. My wife supports me which is great and understands how important it is to me.

When my daughter was born, I had the same thoughts and to a degree I still do once in a while. Here is the important part. Except for special circumstances (will mention below), those thoughts disappear the minute I'm on the bike. It's just me, the bike and the road. The minute they begin lingering, I'll be hanging up my gear.

That said, there are days when those thoughts don't go away. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Anniversaries, Birthdays. Keys are hung up on those days.

My suggestion to you:

Run it as a track bike only. Give it a whirl and see how you feel. Can you put the fear of loss behind you while riding? If so, move back to the street and give it a shot there.

Most important, be honest with yourself.

 

[NSR500]

A lot of these post were about the moto rider being totally fine with riding but have wives/parents that were concerned.

But the OP mentioned he is scared. If I was scared, I would not ride. You need to be riding with a clear head and confidence. Not out on rides worrying about your wife, new kid, parents, etc. I'd say wait a bit longer.

As for track days, seems everyone I know that has done track days has been down (either pushing things too much, their own mistake, or others taking them out). Sure you eliminate the crazy cages and drastically variable road conditions, but I would not consider a track day a super safe activity.

I has to disagree with this statement because I'm of the opinion that track days are safer by a country mile.
Everyone is moving in one direction of travel, there's control riders, staff, flag stations, and medical all on site constantly managing the conditions.
Whenever a person wakes up and starts their day it's just managing throughout the dangers of the real world. The track vs public roadways takes away the mobile phones, pedestrians, cyclists, drunks, street racers, deer/wildlife, etc...
The track is definitely safer.

 

[Not So Fast]

Sorry to hear about bro.... totally get the feeling of potentially leaving the wife and child behind. That is the deal really.

My parents still worried as I turned to just riding for fun....
My wife still worries when I go out and ride.....

Part of me wanted to set and example for my kids. "Don't be scared of life... live it well" They are still seeing me do that.

I am still creating precious memories and making new friends. When I put on my helmet the years fade away and I am still that excited kid inside (just wiser). I still love the thrill. Not many activities can provide that.

It is dangerous. Only you can make this decision and nothing written here should really sway your decision.... it is YOUR decision only because your life partner has given her thumbup.

Good luck... and if you decide to jump back in I hope you find many smiles with your miles.

I've been at it for over twenty years. Just two days ago, at the start of a morning commute, gave the bike a tad too much throttle mid left turn and she spat me off. Naughty!
After emergency I have a cracked radius and will be caging it for the next three weeks. Street was clear. Road was dry. Conditiion was good. My brain was on neutral, ad I got a gentle lesson.
Like Budman said, it's your decision, and you'll have to live with it. There's no right or wrong decision once you have a family. It's just the decision you have to make every day you get on that bike.
Me, I'm happy everytime I mount. Either my DR or R1 will put a smile on my face as I commute to work. As others have posted here, I will make sure I get home safely to my wife and boys, no matter what.

Good luck and God speed!

 

[Not So Fast]

The track is definitely safer.

I've spoken to others at track that says they used to ride on the street before track, but quit after their first track session.
Where else can you legally speed without fear of leo (just have to fear your own limitation and the track rules).

 

[tuxumino]

when I first got in to motorcycling in the 80s I read in City bike to not be the first thing into the intersection. In the early 90s, after I'd stopped riding, I was in a little red sentra stopped at an intersection on fell in SF when the light turned green, I was about to go but hesitated and looked left and saw this big ol' caddy barrel through the red light.
If I'd gone on that green light they would have buried me in that econobox.
In the mid 2000s one of my closest friends, an ex high school girl friend, got cancer and died at 40 leaving behind a husband and 4 kids.
I decided dying was inevitable but living wasn't. I took up motorcycling again.

 

[fubar929]

I has to disagree with this statement because I'm of the opinion that track days are safer by a country mile.
Everyone is moving in one direction of travel, there's control riders, staff, flag stations, and medical all on site constantly managing the conditions.
Whenever a person wakes up and starts their day it's just managing throughout the dangers of the real world. The track vs public roadways takes away the mobile phones, pedestrians, cyclists, drunks, street racers, deer/wildlife, etc...
The track is definitely safer.

The track is safer than the street, but most people don't go to the track to toodle around at street speeds. The increased speeds and lean angles mean that the margins for error are much smaller and, as a result, track days see a lot more crashes. I worked a lot of trackdays as an on-track instructor and it was a rare day when nobody crashed...

 

[berth]

The track is safer than the street, but most people don't go to the track to toodle around at street speeds. The increased speeds and lean angles mean that the margins for error are much smaller and, as a result, track days see a lot more crashes. I worked a lot of trackdays as an on-track instructor and it was a rare day when nobody crashed...

There's actually more to motorcycling than riding at ten tents and finding the limits of traction. It's more than just speed, a lot more.

I know that's a lot of what folks come to motorcycling for, but then ask that guy who's been posting about riding about on his beautiful classic 125 Honda what he's doing out there. Or the guy starting to restore that Yamaha that he just picked up. Or even the rise in popularity of the 250-300 class.

I always marvel at the guys flying through the sweepers, but I also know that I'm not that guy but enjoy riding anyway. I'll take a long tour on an open road over a fast sweeper any day.

As I always say, I love motorcycling, but I don't recommend it to anyone. I won't talk them out of it, but I sure won't talk them in to it. It's a personal choice. It IS more dangerous. As you get experience, it gets less dangerous, but it's still dangerous. Life is dangerous, sure, motorcycling more so.

If you want to argue that it's less dangerous with higher consequences, I won't argue semantics with you.

 

[Rob]

Have done dirt?

There's a world of awesome riding experiences out there that don't have the same knew jerk reaction to street riding with a race bike.

 

[motomania2007]

IMO people that go to the track ONLY in search of speed are missing the point entirely.

The benefit of trackdays is you don't have to worry about anything except you and your ride.

You can focus entirely on your technique and being smooth and as controlled as possible.

You don't have to worry about road conditions, cross traffic, speed limits... none of that.

If you want to push the limits you can and if you crash, there is an ambulance less than 3 minutes or so away.

As any truely fast riders know, riding smoothly will give you more control, more confidence and more speed.


As to the OP's concerns about family, I put it this way, it obviously means a great deal to you or you would not post this inquiry seeking support from a bunch of moto addicts.

Thus, it seems to me you are fighting inside yourself with the desire to ride a motorcycle.

If having family approval is that important to you that it is causing internal conflict in you, that internal conflict will prevent you from focusing on the ride, enjoying the ride and ultimately prevent you from riding very well and therefore becoming a less safe activity for you.

For me, motos are a vital part of me as I have been riding 46 years and if someone can't accept me and my riding motorcycles, then they really are not accepting the true me, but rather someone that looks and sounds like me but is missing a huge chunk of my heart and soul where motos reside in me.

There is no question for me.

But I am not you and everyone's dedication to motos is different.

 

[corndog67]

As mentioned, it is a decision only you can make. If your parents guilt you into not getting a bike, there is a pretty good chance you'll harbor some resentment about it (although losing your brother is a very big argument against it), and it might have an effect on your relationship with them, whether you do or don't get one. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I decided a long time ago, that I cannot, and willnot, try to eliminate all risks in my life, same for my kids. Anything they decide to do, i guess as long as it doesn't involve catching bullets with their teeth or unprotected sex with junkies, gets my seal of approval.

I think your fear (or apprehension as it may be), would probably disappear as soon as you get back into the swing of things.

Personally, I'd get one. But then again, I've always had a couple, since 1971. If you aren't feeling the connection, feeling in the groove, you can always unload it, and at least you gave it a shot, tried to find your previous connection, and if you didn't, you'd probably have some regrets about not doing it.