I had a whole relationship like that once. :|
I was raised Southern Baptist, super fundamentalist and very sheltered, which mean I was quite naive when I was younger. Also, Memphis is not exactly multicultural...I never met a soul who wasn't black or white until I went to college, so I got myself into a lot of stupid situations.
I was a brand new respiratory therapist working in the ER and one of the new docs was from India and seemed to be totally bewildered by Memphis and in culture shock. He seemed nice enough and asked me out a few times. I said no. After working with him for about a month, he asked if I'd show him around Memphis. He was complaining that he got lost all the time and would like sort of a grand tour of the city. I agreed, and reiterated that it was not a date, but an act of friendship. He agreed.
He called me the day we were supposed to see the city and told me he'd gotten lost on the way to my house (this was pre-internet) and asked if I'd come get him instead. Sure! When I got to his house, he said he wanted to eat first but he was not open to any of my suggestions. He insisted that he only ever ate at one Chinese restaurant and he'd drive us there, and afterwards I could show him around the city. Ok, whatever...
Walking to the car, he made a big effort to walk in front of me. Oblivious, I walked faster to try and keep up, which made him walk faster to stay ahead of me. We were practically running to the car. Once we got to the restaurant, same thing...run to the door with him trying to stay ahead of me.
.
We got to the door and the place was closed. He threw a ridiculous tantrum, stomping his feet, yelling, and pulling on the door, how DARE they be closed when he wanted food! I sheepishly told him I knew of another Chinese place but he was having no part of it. Then we did the running thing back to the car. I was sitting there thinking Indian people were weird as he drove like an angry bat out of hell back to his apartment. He said he had leftovers from that restaurant at home and he'd eat then we could go explore the city.
I sat on the couch as he microwaved his food, then he came and sat on the opposite end of the couch, and as we sat in silence watching stupid informercials, I was trying to think of how to politely get out of my obligation to show him around. He leaned down and reached to grab something on the floor in front of the couch (or so I thought) and bit the hell out of my knee! I jumped, and started slapping the back of his head trying to make him unchomp my knee!
He looked up at me confused and asked, "that didn't turn you on?"
I was like, "Was it supposed to?"
He leaped up quickly and ran off to the back of the apartment. I stood up and awkwardly waited to for him to come out of the bathroom or wherever so I could tell him I was leaving (told you I was naive then). There were big red teeth marks in my leg. Then he walked into the room wearing nothing but bright blue socks and a yellow condom.
When I'm really nervous, I am taken over by hysterical laughter, and that time was no exception. I was immediately laughing so hard that I was gasping for breath as I backed towards the door. I laughed so hard I could hardly make the walk to my car. I thought I'd pee myself I was laughing so hard. I was pulling out of the parking lot when he came running out in sweat pants and those godawful blue socks with flip-flops on.
I gtfo.
He started following me around at work and would even go from unit to unit asking if I was working that night. I told him to leave me alone but he was undaunted 'til finally one night I told him I had a bigass boyfriend who was going to hurt him if he didn't leave me alone. That finally worked.
