I never got to say goodbye to my dad in much of any way. He was just gone. No real service or ceremony - just a phone call, some paper work, a visa card transaction, and that was about the most of any connection I had with his passing but for the memories of the last time I saw him a few months earlier as he was passing by. Somehow I knew that he was making his round of goodbyes and that would be the last time I would ever see him. Not unlike many war vets he was a gristled old summabich even when he was young, but I gave him the strongest hug that I could and told him to enjoy his trip. He returned the hug in kind, and I guess that was my clue.
Motorcycles have been a needle that has threaded so many friends and family into my life. My father was a closed book on affection, but after I won my first amateur championship I got the first hug from him ever, and the best conversations we had were about the workings of my race motors and race strategies. Motorcycles just have a magical way of opening up some otherwise impossible possibilities.
With what he could give me in shelter and food he did as a father, but what he shared with me in knowledge and experience in life he did as a friend, and that is a gift not many people receive. By way of tearing apart engines together he taught me how to think and that there is no such thing as a shortcut - just experience of knowing what works and what doesn't so often by trial and error. He reminded me often that it is important to just shut up and pay attention to what you're doing
I understood that his ashes had already been scattered, but it turns out my mom still had a small stash left, so I loaded him into the saddlebags for one last ride and headed out deeper into of the desert. Dusk was settling in and about 20 miles out I found a special little hill.
I'm sure that this is a view he would enjoy.
Apparently I wasn't the only one that thought that this was a special place as this pile of rocks were formed on the top in particular way.
In my riding gear I felt it was appropriate attire as this when we were at our closest and it was time to finally say goodbye.
It is a surreal experience to hold the bones of my father in my hands and sift his ashes through my fingers...the very bones that fed me, hugged me, hit me, taught me to think, taught me to fight, taught me to love - sifting into the wind disappearing into the horizon. As he spread out among the world it was indistinguishable to know were he ended, and life began. The ashes looked like, and disappeared into the dust and the bones fell to the ground as rocks. The separation was nil and humbling. I tried to wonder where he went but the only thought I had was
nowhere. I just no longer recognized him.
People weave in and out of each others life in transit and death, but for the first time in my life I understood the definition of
loss - something that cannot be recovered or replaced.
Godspeed
Among the stark stage of the desert it is obvious that everything we have in life ~ we create. The Earth is nothing but rocks, dirt, and a few remaining trees, but the human experience is entirely ours and our own. Civilization, art, technology, business, love, hatred, friendships, enemies, and family is what we foster and bring to the theater of life. It is a gift by whatever source it may be - God, luck, circumstances, it really doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what we do with our day, and how we do it. To make it count.
The world owes us nothing.
Thank you to everybody that has joined me along this trip

, and to all my comrades that have the courage to venture into the darkness beyond the flowers in life.
-Peace