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Budman's on going joke fest

As long as we're doing those jokes...

Guy walks into a talent agency. Without saying a word, he heads straight for the desk, unzips his fly and pulls himself out, laying on the desk.

The desk clear looks on, mouth agape, eyes wide and, after a short pause, says: "While I'll admit that it certainly is extraordinary, we were looking for an extraordinary PIANIST".
 
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobil phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s
only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.
I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re
asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably
take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you
really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is." ?
 
Scrap said:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobil phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s
only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.
I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re
asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably
take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you
really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is." ?
Click to expand...


[youtube]osU_pHjYGUY[/youtube]
 
:laughing

Awesome joke and find on the Vid!!
 
Scrap said:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobil phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s
only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.
I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re
asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably
take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you
really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is." ?
Click to expand...

:laughing

wannabe said:
[youtube]osU_pHjYGUY[/youtube]
Click to expand...

:laughing:laughing
 
:thumbup

We got a random phone call at the office one day, it was a very nice lady talking about an extended service plan. We got the 5 years and all the options. She was very happy.

We have no idea who she was calling.

Later, we got another one, and one of the other fellas said "Let me get this one".

Turns out it was someone calling about how come no one had come to pick there child up at school. He had a shocked look and hung up the phone.
 
True.
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From the David Sedaris book, Happy Go Lucky:

It's night, and a cop stops a car a couple of priests are riding in. "I'm looking for two child molesters," he tells them.

The priests think for a moment. "We'll do it!" they say.

-Bill
 
May be wrong on several levels, but it made me smile.
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:laughing

We need some jokes in life. My sources have dried up. :(
 
Tom goes to am fortune teller and ask her what will happen in the near future

She says, ” l see you in a limousine driving through a happy crowd

The people laugh and applaud, jump to express their happiness and they all have big smiles on their face”

Tom ask her “Do l wave back to the crowd”

“No” she says, “The coffin is closed”
 
I told my friend that I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta

I cut my finger shredding cheese, but I have grater problems

I dreamed I was swimming in a sea of orange soda, but it was just a Fanta sea

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now

Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing

My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

My dad got a new grill and it's too tall for him, I was worried he might injure himself using it. The steaks are pretty high

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I once had a dog with no legs, I named him Cigarette. Every day I would take him for a drag.

One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.

Why did the budgie have to go to the store to get seed? Because he couldn't millet himself!

Did you know that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals? It's all due to their stable environment.

What do you call an annoyed farmer? Aggravated

A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan.
 
Mom said alcohol is your enemy.

Jesus said love your enemy.

Case closed.
 
During a hockey match, little Johnny sits in the front row.

His friend asks: “How did you get tickets?“

From my brother – responds little Johnny

And where is your brother?

At home, looking for his ticket.
 
Last edited:
A man hadn’t been feeling well, so he went to his doctor for a complete check-up.

Afterward, the doctor came out with the results.

“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor said, “you’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” said the man. “How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor said sadly. “Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

The doctor interrupted, “Nine…”,
 
Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein gets re-incarnated and finds himself out at a party one night. As he starts to mingle he runs into Budman, "Albert Einstein, aren't you that really smart guy from the past?" He says "yes, as a matter of fact I am my IQ was almost 200, if you don't me asking Budman whats yours?" Budman says "Oh mines pretty up there as well. I think its around 150?" Albert says "Wow that's great Budman. After I'm done introducing myself to everyone I'd love to come back and talk nuclear physics and science with you!!. Then Albert meets Micheal Ernest. "Albert Einstein!! Wow aren't you that really smart guy from the past?" "Yes Micheal, my IQ was almost 200. If you don't mind me asking what's yours?" "Oh mines pretty high too. I think around 125?" "Wow that's fantastic Micheal. After I'm finished introducing myself to everyone I'd love to come back and talk history and current events with you".
Then Albert sees Aron (Local6Sparky) sitting down at the end of the bar drinking a Budweiser......
"Albert Einstein. Aren't you that really smart guy from the past?" "Yes I am. My IQ was almost 200. If you don't mind me asking Aron what is yours?" "I don't know? 50 I think?" "Okay. Not bad Aron. After I'm finished introducing myself to everyone I would love to come back and talk to you about what it's like to be a Raiders fan".:ride
 
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