• There has been a recent cluster of spammers accessing BARFer accounts and posting spam. To safeguard your account, please consider changing your password. It would be even better to take the additional step of enabling 2 Factor Authentication (2FA) on your BARF account. Read more here.

Budman's on going joke fest

Trump has a massive heart attack and of course, ends up in hell. Lucifer is greeting him and explains that there are only 3 presidential suites in hell and they are all occupied. Lucifer offers him one of the suites but he will have to replace the occupier. Trump opens the first door and inside is Obama jumping in a pool, climbing out to the pool and jumping back in, over and over. Trump says no thanks, that would mess up my hair. Trump opens the door to the second suite and it is occupied by Bush who is running around a track, lap after lap. Trumps says no thanks, that will be bad for my shins. He opens the third door and there is Clinton, tied spread eagle on a bed with Monica between his legs, doing what Monica does best. Trump says I can do that. Lucifer says, OK, Monica, you can go now.
 
I forgot what forum I was in and got excited when I read the first few words :facepalm
 
The bartended looked up and saw two of his least favorite customers enter. He decided to mess with them, and asked them "Have you seen Bob" They replied "Bob who?". The bartender said "Bob up and kiss my ass". Well, that infuriated these two dorks, so they thought and thought, and finally plotted their revenge. "Lets call him over, and I'll say Have you seen Ilene?" When he asks Ilene who, You say "Ilene over and you kiss my ass!"
They called the bartender over and asked "Have you seen Ilene?". He said "Yeah, she just left with Bob"
They said "Bob who?"
 
Last edited:
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...

...

...

...

...

...

Hey, it could happen!
 
Some good ones.

An elderly couple goes to a pub where they first met.
Chatting and reminiscing the woman says "Do you remember this was the first place we had sex"

Man: Yes I do. Out back leaning against fence. Some real passion that night.

Woman: Yes it was.. Fantastic.

Man: Would you be up for a repeat?

Woman: Oh dear public sex at our age?

Man: Might be our last chance.

She blushes and agrees. They go out side and he drops trow and she lifts her dress. They kiss, embrace and then he leans against the fence and it is GAME ON!!!

After a few minutes he falls to the ground and she says "Holy cow, you still got it old man. That was amazing. So much passion you were out of control!!!!"

Man: Last time we were here the fence was not electrified.
 
I just learned that the Frisbee Golf world champion had his gold medal revoked. Apparently, he failed a drug test. He tested negative for THC
 
Young men, you need to know the difference between PMS and menopause.

With PMS, your woman will plot to kill you in the middle of the night.

In menopause, your woman will make you want to kill yourself in the middle of the night.
 
There’s a strange trend in the office where I started working at this week.

People put names on food in the company fridge.

Today I had a tuna sandwich called Kevin.
 
bcj said:
There’s a strange trend in the office where I started working at this week.

People put names on food in the company fridge.

Today I had a tuna sandwich called Kevin.
Click to expand...

giphy.gif
 
Walmart is opening dental offices in some of their stores. There will be an express line for people with 12 teeth or less.
 
Well I have 5 rules that a man should follow for a happy life. 


1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.


2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.


3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.


4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.


5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
 
A bartender notices a man sitting at the bar looking distraught. He comes over and asked him what's up?

Man: I found out my wife is cheating on me, so I've decided to drink myself to death.

Bartender: That's a terrible way to handle this situation and I'm not going to help you do that.

Man: So how would you handle it?

Bartender: I'd find the man my wife is cheating with and kill him!

After a moment, the man grins and walks out of the bar.

The bartender sees the man come back to the bar the next day with a smile on his face, and that made him concerned.

Bartender nervously asks the man what happened?

Man: I slept with your wife! Now pour me a whiskey!
 
apologies if it's already been posted.

A rabbi, a Hindu priest, and a politician went on a hike...

Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen.

They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.”

The Hindu priest said, “I need no material comforts. I will gladly take the barn.”

The rabbi and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the Hindu priest standing there.

“So sorry, my friends, but there is a cow in the barn, and I cannot sleep beside such a holy animal.”

The rabbi said, “No problem, my brother. I’ll take the barn.

The Hindu priest and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the rabbi standing there.

“So sorry, my friends, but there’s a pig in the barn, and I can’t sleep beside such a filthy animal.”

The politician said, “OK, let it be remembered that I sacrificed my comfort for the greater good.”

The rabbi and the Hindu priest were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.
 
Dr. Dave was wracked with guilt. He had been alone in his practice with a patient and succumbed to desire.

That voice whispered in his head: "Don't worry about it, Dave, lot's of doctors have sex with their patients, and besides, you're single."

Then another voice whispered: "Dave, you're a veterinarian!"
 
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class and today her teacher was fed up. The teacher called on her when she was napping. Tell me April, who created the universe? When April didn’t react, little Johnny, who was seated behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. 'God almighty' shouted April. 'Very good' says the teacher. And April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April who is our lord and savior? Again, April was unresponsive. Once again Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her. 'Jesus Christ' shouted April, and the teacher said 'very good', and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child? And again Johnny jabbed her with the pen. This time the teacher faints after April jumps up and shouts ‘if you stick that fucking thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half and shove it up your ass.’
 
Last edited:
littlebeast said:
The rabbi and the Hindu priest were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.
Click to expand...

:laughing

Regardless... a classic.

Sally was a Church gossip and busy body. Always getting in other peoples shit.
Right after mass this last Sunday she called out Joe for going to a bar.

"Joe.. you know we all see your car parked at the bar. You should be ashamed of being a drunk"

Joe did nothing but roll his eyes.

That night he parked his car in front of Sally's house and Ubered home leaving it there all night.

He is looking forward to church this Sunday.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top