Scared getting a bike....

[warsaw1776]

Hi All,

Its been over a year since I sold my last bike, a 2001 TL1000S. I have always been a motorcycle junkie. I love everything about them. However, today or tomorrow I am going to go pick up my next ride, and to be honest, I am scarred. All I am hoping for out of this thread is perhaps some support (seems silly) or perspective from some of your experiences. So here's the history my life since beginning to ride motorcycles.

Started riding on a 2002 SV650S when I was 17. Commuted to school on it.
Moved onto a Buell Firebold XB9R after college, and then a 2005 CBR600RR. Sold the CBR and moved to Boston MA where I bought a rode a VTR1000R Superhawk and a Ducati Monster 750. Came back to California and bought the TL1000S.

Sold the TL in July of 2014. A few weeks later, found out wife was pregnant with our first child and our parents first grandchild (weren't exactly not trying to get pregnant). Drove down to San Diego to tell my parents the good news and about 2 hours before we told them, I got a call from Santa Barbara County Sheriff's that my oldest brother had been killed in a bicycling accident the night before. He was an avid cyclist.

So here I am, 30 years old, youngest of three sons, parents are laying on a big guilt trip about getting a bike, despite me owning my own house, cars, having a big boy job, and obviously not needing they permission. But I totally get their point, and their opinion means a lot to me. My wife is super supportive and actually pushed me to buy the bike.

I've always been somewhat of a confident rider. It's not that I do dumb shit or think I am invincible, it's that I've always felt that if I pay attention, keep on my toes, expect cars to do dumb things, and don't out ride my abilities or the conditions, that I will make it out of any ride alive. However, now I am not so sure and am afraid to not make it home.

So here's why I am scared....I saw what losing my brother did to my parents. I felt the pain too, in a different way of course. I also now have a 9 month old son and a beautiful wife who I don't want to leave behind.

Primary purpose for this bike is track, but I also do enjoy cruises on twisty roads and commuting to work every once in a while. New bike will be a 600cc supersport. Nothing too crazy.

Sorry for the essay, but I would very much so like to hear all of your thoughts on the situation. I know I am not unique, but hearing from some of you who may have had similar feelings may help. Thanks in advance!

 

[GAJ]

The TLS was not an easy bike to ride without mods so it would seem you have the skills.

My mother in law was furious in 1987 when I bought my first large motorcycle right after my baby was born.

When she was older my daughter loved going to Ride For Kids events with me 2up.

My mother in law got over it.

 

[dravnx]

This is a question only you can answer. Riding is dangerous. You shouldn't fool yourself into thinking it's not. Even the best, most experienced, most skilled riders get taken out. That being said, I consider the risk worth the reward but then, I don't have the weight of kids, family or a wife to weigh on my decision to ride or not. I would totally understand if you decided not to ride.

 

[DIY]

First off, sorry about your loss. So if what I read is correct, you are feeling the pull of your obligations to your family (child) and trying to juggle the emotional pain you and your parents feel over the loss of your brother. While difficult it sounds perfectly normal. If it were me in your shoes I would sit the family and discuss a clear, well-defined guidelines so that everyone is on the same page. "Mom, dad I know this is hard on you but motos make me happy." Although it will be hard they love you and have to respect your decisions because, in the end, they want you to be happy. As for the child I feel that I owe my wife and daughter a lot for the love they give me. I know that if daddy got splattered on the hood of a truck there won't be a happy family for them anymore. For me I accept and practice the mindset and subsequent actions that my new definition of a "good ride" is one where daddy makes it home. No exceptions. I don't think there is anything in my power that I could do. I do think you can put your family first and still ride.

 

[louemc]

First all, everything is dangerous....
People get killed in their cars everyday. (but no-one stops getting into a car to go someplace.)

People kill themselves in how/what they eat, but nearly no-one changes what or how they eat.

I'm safer on my motorcycle, than I am in my car.
I might be the only one that feels that way...

I base it on what I know about motorcycle riding... Not what someone else thinks, because of their exposure.

 

[Zerox]

This is a question only you can answer. Riding is dangerous. You shouldn't fool yourself into thinking it's not. Even the best, most experienced, most skilled riders get taken out.

That's my take on it too, it's dangerous. Don't sugarcoat it. You have to be extremely vigilant at all times. Which is part of the attraction, it exercises the mind so fully while constantly scanning the world around you for danger.

Most motorcycle accidents could have been prevented with more vigilance by the rider. Yet there are always circumstances you can't control, such as oil or antifreeze in a corner, freak stuff like that. That's the reason to always wear quality protective gear.

OP, I would talk with the kinfolk and promise them you'll be careful, and wear good gear.

 

[nakedape]

Put it on hold OP. My dad was like you long ago with the new kid (my brother) and sole bread winner. Eventually he got back in the saddle. Sorry about your bro. Sounds like a great partner you have, but the folks are important too. Even if you buy a bike later letting their emotions run the course is a good son thing to do. My 2c

 

[redtail]

First all, everything is dangerous....

This.

One has to manage their own risk and what risks they are willing to accept.

We all know, motorcycling is dangerous, but one can mitigate those risks to large degree. If you feel that you'll be worried every time you throw a leg over your bike, you're better off not getting one. Having your head in the right frame of mind and confidence will make your ride safer, not fear.

I personally get real tired of people, usually a certain in-law, that hates motorcycles and reminds me that every one who rides is going to get maimed or killed. She rides horses and tells me how much safer they are. Maybe so, but I had a coworker who used to tell me the same thing and she broke her back riding her horse.

Your not going to get out of life alive, live it the way you see fit while you're here.

 

[Blankpage]

I've only ever felt totally relaxed and never in danger while on a motorcycle. Its only when not riding and reading of other peoples injuries that I think of what can go wrong.

 

[dravnx]

Red light runner slams into the side of your car, oopsy, call the insurance company.
Red light runner slams into the side of your bike, life is now different, for you, your family and all who care about you.
No amount of skill can overcome the lower level of protection you have on a motorcycle.
I ride, I stay vigilant, I practice my skill set, I am always learning how to ride better and I wear ATGATT but I will never fool myself into thinking I'm doing something that's not dangerous.
I applaud you for taking into account the affect your riding will have on the important people in your life. Whether that affect is a reality or just perceived doesn't make it any less real.

 

[louemc]

Red light runner slams into the side of your car, oopsy, call the insurance company.
Red light runner slams into the side of your bike, life is now different, for you, your family and all who care about you.
No amount of skill can overcome the lower level of protection you have on a motorcycle.

Have you ever considered looking? Cars don't just slam into you.....
First you have to be oblivious.

 

[budman]

....... My wife is super supportive and actually pushed me to buy the bike.

...........

So here's why I am scared....I saw what losing my brother did to my parents. I felt the pain too, in a different way of course. I also now have a 9 month old son and a beautiful wife who I don't want to leave behind.

Sorry to hear about bro.... totally get the feeling of potentially leaving the wife and child behind. That is the deal really.

I put my parents through it myself. They managed after I got in my first street crash at 16... they managed as I went MX racing and came home to my wife in a cast.. They managed when I went road racing and came to work with a plaster trophy... during that time frame I had 3 kids... I bought a large life insurance policy to help my own self manage the feeling of guilt because I was selfish enough to put myself at risk and just in case.. I still needed to support my families future.


My parents still worried as I turned to just riding for fun....
My wife still worries when I go out and ride.....

Part of me wanted to set and example for my kids. "Don't be scared of life... live it well" They are still seeing me do that.

I have precious memories of traveling the west coast with my sons going to races. I have a precious memory of hoisting my 3yo daughter and feeling the victory champagne soaking both of us.

I am still creating precious memories and making new friends. When I put on my helmet the years fade away and I am still that excited kid inside (just wiser). I still love the thrill. Not many activities can provide that.


So.. my take is.

Your wife is supportive... so cool.

Your parents are worried.. I get that believe me, but I am sure they want you to be you and as a parent I get the worry, but I also think it would be selfish of me to lay a guilt trip on my 31yo son.

It is dangerous. Only you can make this decision and nothing written here should really sway your decision.... it is YOUR decision only because your life partner has given her thumbup.

Good luck... and if you decide to jump back in I hope you find many smiles with your miles.

 

[fubar929]

No amount of skill can overcome the lower level of protection you have on a motorcycle.

Agree with this!

I used to think that having skill and being attentive was all it took to stay alive, but I've been hit twice in the last three years while riding my bicycle. A twisted ankle was my worst injury but the only reason things weren't much worse is that I got lucky. Trust me: watching yourself get T-boned by a Chevy Suburban will give you a whole new perspective on the risks involved in riding a bicycle or motorcycle...

I still ride bicycles and motorcycles, but I'm under no illusion that either is safe nor that I'm going to make it home from the next ride.

 

[dravnx]

Have you ever considered looking? Cars don't just slam into you.....
First you have to be oblivious.

Actually they do. All it takes is a momentary lapse in concentration, shit happens. No accident is caused by a single event. They always have a chain of events. Of course, it's our job to break that chain but shit happens. A car swerves to your right, you look and in that nano second another car swerves into you. We are all humans and are imperfect. Go ahead and keep thinking your superior skills will prevent someone else's actions. I'm glad it works for you but for us mere mortals, shit happens.

 

[kamaji]

I sold my bike when my second kid was born, because I needed a car. I'm getting back to it now after 10 years, with support from my wife.

I broke my arms multiple times, my feet twice, my teeth twice. I had two kidney stones, was run over by a car once, had my tongue cut in almost half, landed out of a surfboard into a freak conglomeration of jellyfish in an otherwise clean ocean. I'm probably forgetting a bunch of stuff. Funny enough, none of those was caused by any activity people think of as dangerous, like riding a motorcycle. So, for me, I know the world will get me no matter what I do. I better enjoy it.

As for folks worrying, I know my wife worries. What I do is not to try to make her not worry, but make her sure that I'm not doing this in spite of her, but with her in mind all the time. MSF class, ATGATT, "sensible" bikes, etc. Something to keep in mind.

 

[KittenMeat]

Ride, but not like an idiot. Been on and off riding for almost 15 years.
Riding my mountain bike and racing my road/cross bike have netted me tons of horrid injuries. My motorcycles have never let me down.

 

[Zerox]

I broke my arms multiple times, my feet twice, my teeth twice. I had two kidney stones, was run over by a car once, had my tongue cut in almost half, landed out of a surfboard into a freak conglomeration of jellyfish in an otherwise clean ocean. I'm probably forgetting a bunch of stuff. Funny enough, none of those was caused by any activity people think of as dangerous, like riding a motorcycle. So, for me, I know the world will get me no matter what I do. I better enjoy it.

I actually know someone that lost a family member from the urban-legendish "slipped in the shower, got knocked out, and drowned in two inches of water."

Motorcyling is fun. Sometimes dangerous, but fun. Life really is just risk management.

 

[HeatXfer]

There was a gap for about 4yrs where I didn't have a moto. When my wife was pregnant with our daughter she told me if I wanted another bike I'd better get one NOW, 'cause after that everything we had was gong to go into the kid & the house.

She knew me to be a safe, conscientious rider (when she was on the back) and trusted my self preservation instinct to "keep it under control". 24yrs, 3 bikes and I don't know how many miles later there's been no change, except now I carry a $1m life insurance policy.

 

[kingmoochr]

I'm safer on my motorcycle, than I am in my car.

So, you're hyperaware and vigilant, with supernatural reflexes while on your motorcycle, and a brainless zombie in your car? Because that's the ONLY possible way that sentence makes any sense.

Please don't ever drive a car near anyone.

 

[louemc]

So, you're hyperaware and vigilant, with supernatural reflexes while on your motorcycle, and a brainless zombie in your car? Because that's the ONLY possible way that sentence makes any sense.

Please don't ever drive a car near anyone.

If you actually knew something about reality, You would come up with the right answer, instead of the wrong answer.

My bike can be put in a slice of clear space, that my car can't fit into.

My bike can do it quicker than my econo hybrid car that needs a lane.

I have mondo off road racing history, I can use the ground on the side of the road, that doesn't look usable to normal folk, as well.

I can't help it if what I say doesn't make sense to you...