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A very embarrassing moment in my life this morning..

jh2586

jh2586

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Location
Fort Worth, TX
Moto(s)
'16 Ninja 300
'17 Z900
'19 ZX6R
'20 Ninja 400
Name
Jeff
*** WARNING, THIS IS GRAPHIC CONTENT***

The most embarrassing thing happened to me this morning. Most of you will laugh at me, some won't care, some will say "TL;DR" and maybe a few will give me props for telling this story.

So I had to come to work early today to run a report that's due every 16th of the month. I was supposed to meet my supervisor at 5am but I arrived a little early (around 4:30am). I was sitting in my car waiting while listening to music, when I had the sudden urge to defecate. Now, it didn't hit me gradually, I'm talking all of a sudden, it felt like my stomach was full of sulfuric acid. It was painful. I didn't have the keys to the building and the nearest public restroom was at least a 10-minute drive outside the base. I started to feel a "hanging turd" come out of my butt. I thought to myself, damn, this is gonna come out anytime now! I quickly ran to the front door HOPING by miracle they would have left it open by accident. No luck. I ran over to the back door because I knew in the back of my mind that those doors sometimes come loose (it's an old door) and sometimes you can force it open. No luck either.... time was running out, I was delirious. It was so painful I wanted to cry. I looked in the distance to check if anyone was around and there was a group of people running across the street doing physical training. I ran further back so I was out of sight.

"That's it" I told myself, I'm gonna have to do it! There was nothing around except a small bush. I ran to it as fast as I could, dropped my pants and "BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMWAAAAAAMWTFAMIDOINGWOWTHISFEELSGOODOPPAGANGNAMSTYLE!!!!!!!!!" When I finished, I didn't have anything to wipe except leaves from the bush... so painful. Mind you it was about 30F outside and those leaves were frozen. This sorta reminds of me the movie "Friday" when smokey had to take a shit on a newspaper.. of course I didn't even have that. I then went to my car to wait for my supervisor. Once the door was opened, I cleaned up in the bathroom and put on a new pair of underwear.. oh and washed my hands :laughing

So anyways, the moral of this story, bring toilet paper! :rofl
 
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i dont know what to say about this but, WOW!!!

you win best story IMO :thumbup
 
Haha, that's not so bad...nobody saw you? No problem!
 
:wtf

Did you cover?

cat-litter-box.jpg
 
You carry spare underwear? Who carries spare underwear? If I have to, I go commando, but that's about it.
 
byke said:
Haha, that's not so bad...nobody saw you? No problem!
Click to expand...

Yeah I guess it wasn't so bad since nobody saw me except a cat :laughing

Still, I'm scarred for life.. I've never had to do that EVER. It was nasty man.
 
The gardeners are going to blame the homeless.

Unless you left a business card sticking out of it. Sort of like a signature.
 
I have a similar story that involves a kegger and a mormon church parking lot...
 
You think that's bad? Imagine being in a similar situation, but in a car with a girl you've been dating for a few months. I had to pull over into a church parking lot of all places, and handle my business in a bush. We were about 5 months into our relationship. Our 9 year anniversary is next month. :teeth:teeth

EDIT:

Jakemate said:
I have a similar story that involves a kegger and a mormon church parking lot...
Click to expand...

Wow, two tales of pooping in a church parking lot in one thread... awesome :laughing
 
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in the 90s, working downtown at Charles Schwab, in the elevator with 2 pals, 1 was hungover from last night. All of the sudden he shat his pants right there in the elevator. He had to go right back down and over to Ross Dress For Less
 
Oceansides said:
Its also good to have a roll for checking oil, bloody noses. TP. versitile.
Click to expand...

Late night, side-of-the-road motorcycle problem. After determining the issue, a buddy and I wrapped the leaking intake manifolds on his KZ with TP, then sprayed the crap out of it with hairspray someone had in their trunk. Several layers of this allowed us to continue not only the ride, but the entire weekend.
 
jh2586 said:
*** WARNING, THIS IS GRAPHIC CONTENT***

The most embarrassing thing happened to me this morning. Most of you will laugh at me, some won't care, some will say "TL;DR" and maybe a few will give me props for telling this story.

So I had to come to work early today to run a report that's due every 16th of the month. I was supposed to meet my supervisor at 5am but I arrived a little early (around 4:30am). I was sitting in my car waiting while listening to music, when I had the sudden urge to defecate. Now, it didn't hit me gradually, I'm talking all of a sudden, it felt like my stomach was full of sulfuric acid. It was painful. I didn't have the keys to the building and the nearest public restroom was at least a 10-minute drive outside the base. I started to feel a "hanging turd" come out of my butt. I thought to myself, damn, this is gonna come out anytime now! I quickly ran to the front door HOPING by miracle they would have left it open by accident. No luck. I ran over to the back door because I knew in the back of my mind that those doors sometimes come loose (it's an old door) and sometimes you can force it open. No luck either.... time was running out, I was delirious. It was so painful I wanted to cry. I looked in the distance to check if anyone was around and there was a group of people running across the street doing physical training. I ran further back so I was out of sight.

"That's it" I told myself, I'm gonna have to do it! There was nothing around except a small bush. I ran to it as fast as I could, dropped my pants and "BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMWAAAAAAMWTFAMIDOINGWOWTHISFEELSGOODOPPAGANGNAMSTYLE!!!!!!!!!" When I finished, I didn't have anything to wipe except leaves from the bush... so painful. Mind you it was about 30F outside and those leaves were frozen. This sorta reminds of me the movie "Friday" when smokey had to take a shit on a newspaper.. of course I didn't even have that. I then went to my car to wait for my supervisor. Once the door was opened, I cleaned up in the bathroom and put on a new pair of underwear.. oh and washed my hands :laughing

So anyways, the moral of this story, bring toilet paper! :rofl
Click to expand...

bolded for more lulz..... Epic story but how is the bush?
 
MikeyRocks said:
You think that's bad? Imagine being in a similar situation, but in a car with a girl you've been dating for a few months. I had to pull over into a church parking lot of all places, and handle my business in a bush. We were about 5 months into our relationship. Our 9 year anniversary is next month. :teeth:teeth

EDIT:



Wow, two tales of pooping in a church parking lot in one thread... awesome :laughing
Click to expand...


On my first date with my ex, we are out on the town in Salinas, real early one morning, maybe 2 or 3 am, nothing was open, and she had to pee, real bad, right now. So a parking lot it was, squatting right next to the car. And then, on top of that, she said she just started her period, and could I find a Longs or CVS pharmacy. And I had to go into the store and buy her goodies. She said her ex-husband wouldn't have done that for her. I was in love, right then and there. It was a pretty good night after that.
 
:hand @ OP story

Get back to me when you've shit yourself while riding.

Uh...not that I have. I've just heard stories...yea... :twofinger
 
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