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Burden of caring for elderly parents

Jeff,

you are a good guy.

You cant change people. She will crash and burn, with or without your help.
 
All the advice given here thus far is pretty good.

Emotional, family related guilt is hard to get over.

--
This thread makes me feel grateful my dad is financially prudent and makes a lot more money than I do :) His whole life goal is a proper retirement and whatever he has beyond that he'd like to leave to his children.
 
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CHUM said:
this thread makes me sad....

I had no idea I was elderly....
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Lets go and have a metamucil mixer at a local bar.

40s....elderly....OFF MAH LAWN!

Holy crap, what does that make Ernie?
 
good god if 40 is elderly I am ancient :(

40 elderly :hand
 
I'd hit it
 
Depends on the relationship you have with her.

Did you grow up in a safe, happy home? Was she a good parent that saw to it that you were loved and taken care of? Well, then, it would be reasonable for you to feel some sort of obligation.

However, comma, if you were dragged along in the wake of her poor decision making and then used as a rationalization for said poor decisions...well...she shit her bed, now she can lie in it, IMO. But I understand that it's a tough position to be in. Let's just say that I've received more guidance, care and connection from friends than my own mother...I visit 3x/year because Catholic guilt keeps me from visiting less....
 
TheBoatDude said:
However, comma, if you were dragged along in the wake of her poor decision making and then used as a rationalization for said poor decisions...well...she shit her bed, now she can lie in it, IMO. But I understand that it's a tough position to be in. Let's just say that I've received more guidance, care and connection from friends than my own mother...I visit 3x/year because Catholic guilt keeps me from visiting less....
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I hardly ever had a conversation with my father. When I got to my 20's he wanted to start acting as if we were buddies. Too late, I didn't need a father at that point.
 
Blankpage said:
I hardly ever had a conversation with my father. When I got to my 20's he wanted to start acting as if we were buddies. Too late, I didn't need a father at that point.
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you should give him a chance. you only have one dad. soon he will be gone. food for thought. YMMV.
 
Lester Green said:
you should give him a chance. you only have one dad. soon he will be gone. food for thought. YMMV.
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I thought about that but as an looking back now and being as old as he was then, I recognize what matters in life and see what mattered more to him beak then. It was a choice he made, I can live with that choice.
 
jh2586 said:
For the longest time, I thought that my mother suffered from some type of personality disorder or some imbalance. She has burned EVERY single bridge in her life. She believes the world is against her and that EVERYONE is wrong and that she is right. Turns out that she is just very self-centered and puts herself before anyone or anything else. Lol, I'm just venting now :laughing

But to give you an example of what my mom likes to do. She will befriend you to the point where she asks you for money, or favors or whatever.. then it comes time to pay back, she disappears and changes her phone number lol.

She has changed her phone number SO many times, that I don't even save it when she calls or texts.. she probably changes her number on average once per month or so.

So back to your question, my wife.... not too fond of my mom. She does not want me to help her in any way. She doesn't mind me giving money DIRECTLY to my brother (older one) so he could go and buy himself and the younger one some clothes or other things they need.
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There's your answer right there.
 
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