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How much does a divorce cost?

Kornholio said:
I'm sure many folks today, religious or otherwise, would strongly disagree with the fact that they got married because they saw it as a business proposition.
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If you're only getting married for love why bother to file for a marriage license and let the government know? Just swear youselves to each other forever and let me know how you feel about that when the government doesn't let you make medical decisions for your spouse.

mlm said:
If that's your going in attitude then why get married at all?
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Some cars break because they run out of oil. I check mine before that happens.

Some marriages end because people have differing opinions on commitment and what marriage means.

Wife and I discussed this prior to getting married. Along with many many other dealbreakers.

There's three ways out for her. I die, she dies, or she kills me.

I leave it up to her.
 
mike23w said:
she has to kill you?
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this is why my okcupid profile specified "must have severe food allergy"

"no your honor, i didn't tell the waiter to add the shellfish walnut aioli to the cobb salad, the chef is clearly an angel of death wannabe nurse cereal killer"
 
MrIncredible said:
Some cars break because they run out of oil. I check mine before that happens.

Some marriages end because people have differing opinions on commitment and what marriage means.

Wife and I discussed this prior to getting married. Along with many many other dealbreakers.

There's three ways out for her. I die, she dies, or she kills me.

I leave it up to her.
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Acknowledging statistics on divorce isn't the same as drawing up a contract ahead of time to handle it. Not faulting people who do, I just agree with Jason. Seem a bit paradoxical entering into an agreement based on trust with a contract predicated on mistrust. I see marriage as a commitment and entering into it with an "easy out" erodes that comiitment
 
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MrIncredible said:
Everything ends, including about 50% of marriages in divorce.

Failing to acknowledge that is a poor plan.
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Seems like you're taking the 'one size fits my size' approach to this conversation.

Not everybody views the world in the same manner that you do.

You've figured out things for yourself. But, you have not figured out things for everybody else.

Love and relationships are a very personal choice and nobody has a right to try to tell others how to go about their love life. That would be like some of the states that set laws on what positions a couple was allowed to use in the bedroom.
 
mlm said:
Acknowledging statistics on divorce isn't the same as drawing up a contract ahead of time to handle it. Not faulting people who do, I just agree with Jason. Seem a bit paradoxical entering into an agreement based on trust with a contract predicated on mistrust. I see marriage as a commitment and entering into it with an "easy out" erodes that comiitment
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stats matter to me. stats drive many of my decisions.

if i am worth $100 million dollars before marriage, i will ask her to sign a contract saying if we divorce, she's not going to take $50 million.

yes, it's calculating. it's not romantic. it's also reality.

if you want to ignore that risk (where half the marriages fail), be my guest.

if you are fine with flipping a coin (remember: 50/50 odds) and having half your hard earned wealth, accumulated over many years disappear (and if you win you just keep what you have), i have no problems with that. from a numbers perspective, it's a suckers bet when one partner has substantial assets and the other does not (best outcome is you maintain your wealth, worst outcome is you lose half. odds are 50/50).

everyone goes into marriage thinking it's forever so the strength of your convictions isn't a good gauge of the success of your marriage.

i understand everyone wants to focus only on the positive, especially something as emotional as marriage, but i have no problem with having insurance in case something goes wrong - which does happen half the time.

the prenup is an agreement that a divorce will be handled fairly. there is absolutely nothing wrong in saying "i want to marry you, but i can't predict the future and if things go bad for whatever reason, here's how we should split our assets." (maybe you agree 50/50 is fair).

marriage is about love. divorce is about business. makes sense to me (but obviously not to others) to handle the business side of things before agreeing to the business contract that implicitly comes with marriage.
 
MrIncredible said:
If you're only getting married for love why bother to file for a marriage license and let the government know? Just swear youselves to each other forever and let me know how you feel about that when the government doesn't let you make medical decisions for your spouse.
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Agreed. And it took time for me to learn that.

And I already said how despicable I believe the state's laws on marriage are in general.
 
mlm said:
Acknowledging statistics on divorce isn't the same as drawing up a contract ahead of time to handle it. Not faulting people who do, I just agree with Jason. Seem a bit paradoxical entering into an agreement based on trust with a contract predicated on mistrust. I see marriage as a commitment and entering into it with an "easy out" erodes that comiitment
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No, it's saying "I know most of these fail but that won't happen to US!" It's the same mentality that leads some people to never wear helmets on a motorcycle-they're convinced it won't happen to them.

It's not always about an easy out-it's about saying the ancestral Incredible vacation home on Cape Cod that has been in the family forever stays in the blood line, period. Consider it gear for your finances. ATGATT.

Climber said:
Seems like you're taking the 'one size fits my size' approach to this conversation.

Not everybody views the world in the same manner that you do.

You've figured out things for yourself. But, you have not figured out things for everybody else.

Love and relationships are a very personal choice and nobody has a right to try to tell others how to go about their love life. That would be like some of the states that set laws on what positions a couple was allowed to use in the bedroom.
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You have it utterly backwards. I'm arguing there's a point to having a prenup for some people. There seems to be a majority saying it should be for love and forever, and if you have to ever plan on anything potentially bad happening then you're doing it wrong. These same people probably try to pay the mortgage with hugs and run the car on unicorn farts.

If you don't want to hang on to your money why do you care so much about gas prices? :twofinger

cycle61 said:
Where does Class 11 racing fall on that spectrum?
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Short term happiness for me and long term happiness for her. At least while I'm still insured for seven figures.
 
MrIncredible said:
No, it's saying "I know most of these fail but that won't happen to US!" It's the same mentality that leads some people to never wear helmets on a motorcycle-they're convinced it won't happen to them.

It's not always about an easy out-it's about saying the ancestral Incredible vacation home on Cape Cod that has been in the family forever stays in the blood line, period. Consider it gear for your finances. ATGATT.
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Yup, I'm just naive.
 
Leaving without their kids is torture to many dads. Many like, Heath Ledger, cannot live without their kids. Literally.
 
If and when I ever do get married, I think it'll depend on a few different factors as to whether or not I'll get a pre-nup. Most likely, I will - as Mr. I said it's simply covering your bases. I'd hope to hell that we sign it and never touch it or speak of it or look at it again. But if the time comes that I need it, I'm pretty sure I'll be damn glad to have it. Even if I marry up and she's far wealthier (in which case, her family would probably insist on one anyway). I dunno. I think it's a good idea and certainly if your communication and relationship is solid enough to get married it should be solid enough to discuss the possibility that years down the road it won't work out.
 
Climber said:
If you can keep lawyers out of it, you can do it relatively cheaply.

As soon as you get lawyers involved, you can count on your bank accounts getting cleaned out and the bad feelings to last a lifetime.

Most family law lawyers will stir up whatever shit they can find in order to maximize the increase to their bank accounts. And, almost all of them will talk 'off line' with the opposing attorneys to compare notes on how much money there is to mine from both of you. Regardless of how they may all interact in front of their clients, most of them are buddies, and why not when it's much more profitable for them all to be interacting and collaborating.

A common tactic by the lawyers is to tell the side that makes less that they should be getting much more than they should, then telling the side that makes more that the other side should be getting much less than they should. By building up false expectations, they ensure that both sides feel like the other is being extremely unreasonable and that they're being cheated. Simple but effective. With emotions already being high, this will usually spin everything out of control and put $10's of thousands of dollars into the lawyers pockets and leaves the divorcing parties broke and paying off the divorce for years.

So, whatever you do, try and keep it clean and lawyer-free because you will both lose in the end if you don't.
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:nchantr:nchantr
:laughing

If anyone ever wanted to see what kind of scars a divorce can cause, please contact Climber.
 
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