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Post / Chat whores post here (2024)

Question for the group.

I love my mom, but she can be incredibly manipulative. She lives with her twin sister, who is even more manipulative. They both seem obsessed with impressions and my mom's in that she has the best son in the world. You know, the kind that calls whenever some random relative comes to visit just to talk to them. Problem is, I am not that guy. So of course, she reminds me. Every fucking time.

"Your cousin is here. Why don't you call tonight and talk to her?"

Now, normally I wouldn't really have an issue with this, but my cousin doesn't give a rat's ass about me. She has never once called me. When I visit my mom, they don't call her so she can talk to me. And the only reason my mon does this is for the optics that her son is the best son ever.

I have told her repeatedly that this is manipulative and if my cousin really wanted to talk to me, she could also pick up the phone and call me. And let's be clear, this is not a close cousin and I have nothing in common with her, nor have we ever been close. We have lived in different staqtes or countries our whole lives and I have probably spent a total of about 20 hours in the same room with her in my entire life.

So I just sent my mom a fairly mean response saying it's bullshit and manipulative. And I feel a little bad because she is old and her back sucks. But I am so over being manipulated constantly for no other reason than to make my mom look good. It has nothing to do with me, but I am the pawn. This constant manipulation has pushed me farther and farther away. I was kind of planning on going down to visit her this weekend, but now I am like "No fucking way."

Thoughts?
 
It's almost bad to ask for advice, because none of us have the wear that you do, so when we envision this scenario, we're dropped into your scenario with the feelings from our own life. And when I do that, my apply-my-life-to-your-life response would be....go see your cousin you piece of shit! Lol, but, you have that wear that changes everything. I say trust your experience to inform your judgement.
 
Yeah I can see that. Regarding my cousin, I can't tell you how many times I have been at my mom's when my cousin calls my Aunt. Not once has she asked to speak to me nor has it been forced upon her.

And my mom does this shit constantly. Hell, a month ago she had back surgery (fairly minor surgery) and asked me to come take care of her because my aunt was going to be back east staying with her daughter (same cousin). So of course I say yes, I can work from there. She then says it's not necessary because my aunt canceled her trip and will be taking care of her. Besides it was Bottlerock weekend and my driving down to Napa on a Friday evening would be hell. "Cool, let me know if you need anything"

What happened next was so manipulative that I think it had a permanent effect on my relationship with her and certainly with my aunt. She called on Saturday morning and my aunt was all pissed because I was a POS that couldn't come to visit and take care of my mom. I ended up driving down to Napa, getting bitched out by my aunt (I responded in kind), and driving my mom all the way back up here to stay for four days before I drove her back home.
 
I'd probably do it for the mom points, but then again I somehow forgot to call my mom on mothers day so I'm still in trouble.

Also, @Kurosaki, missed it earlier, sorry for your loss man, thankfully I haven't had to deal with that yet among my limited friends.
 
You’re a Californian so just do what Californians do, tell your mom sure you’ll call later but then don’t give it another thought. If she asks later what happened just change the topic.

I have cousins I’ve probably never spoken to. Would be weird if I ever contacted them.
 
Sounds like a shitty cycle where they want you around more, but then when you do that, you need a break for your own sanity, because they get weird when you're not around more, which makes you want space. It would be impossible for anyone to want to be around more in that situation, and ridiculous on their end to actually expect the result they're seeking.
 
For old people having something to complain about is one of the things they look forward to getting out of bed for. They’d rather lose their social security than their reasons to complain. Don’t take that away from them.
 
N4teTheGreat said:
Just sittin' here sending out applications like it's my job, because, I guess it is until I get hired.
Click to expand...
post moar.

at this point i dunno what's a job application no more.

just saw an 'ad' for a tiktok "role" with languages that I considered inferior (well, except Go) or TS (which I programmed in.. '16?!?) . I'm afraid I won't pass the interview.
--
I must say, Bernal is a different world
 
I applied for TikTok for a TAM role I thought was a really good fit. Got a rejection email :laughing I don't even think human eyes see my applications most of the time. I got a rejection this morning from a company I applied to yesterday afternoon, so, at least they are efficient?
 
Brokenlink said:
Question for the group.

I love my mom, but she can be incredibly manipulative. She lives with her twin sister, who is even more manipulative. They both seem obsessed with impressions and my mom's in that she has the best son in the world. You know, the kind that calls whenever some random relative comes to visit just to talk to them. Problem is, I am not that guy. So of course, she reminds me. Every fucking time.

"Your cousin is here. Why don't you call tonight and talk to her?"

Now, normally I wouldn't really have an issue with this, but my cousin doesn't give a rat's ass about me. She has never once called me. When I visit my mom, they don't call her so she can talk to me. And the only reason my mon does this is for the optics that her son is the best son ever.

I have told her repeatedly that this is manipulative and if my cousin really wanted to talk to me, she could also pick up the phone and call me. And let's be clear, this is not a close cousin and I have nothing in common with her, nor have we ever been close. We have lived in different staqtes or countries our whole lives and I have probably spent a total of about 20 hours in the same room with her in my entire life.

So I just sent my mom a fairly mean response saying it's bullshit and manipulative. And I feel a little bad because she is old and her back sucks. But I am so over being manipulated constantly for no other reason than to make my mom look good. It has nothing to do with me, but I am the pawn. This constant manipulation has pushed me farther and farther away. I was kind of planning on going down to visit her this weekend, but now I am like "No fucking way."

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Is it a big cost to you to make the call? I’d just weigh that against whatever cost there may be with you and your mom.
 
Sometimes you just have to go your own way.

I was born to, and raised in, a dysfunctional family, got out at the age of seventeen with no resources, no guidance and no prospects. It took five years, till I was twenty-two, before I got my feet under me and made real progress.

Only to be a disappointment when I reconnected. Decided they weren't my real family and set out to build my own. (Fifty years later and, man-oh-man, was I ever successful.)

What I'm sayin' is to be your own guy and cut loose the ballast that's holding you back. Just send a Hallmark card once in a while.
 
N4teTheGreat said:
Alright, so far just three applications today, but there will be more. I suppose I should eat some lunch though.
Click to expand...
I could eat lunch too! Amazing how much I get bothered by no lunchies and/or other no-breaks.

I've been reading on the internet a bit, about job apps, through those passing weeks. So, some people on the inside / hiring-Ms or HR, complain that there are too many applicants.

... hmm... I did get an email about a job pretty close... Technology Officer. Hmmm...
 
GAJ said:
I'd just tell her "if she calls, I'll answer" and leave it at that.
Click to expand...
tzrider said:
Is it a big cost to you to make the call? I’d just weigh that against whatever cost there may be with you and your mom.
Click to expand...

perhaps there is the line of thinking that, with females (cousins) you can't expect them to be proactive and "make the connection", "give a shit" etc.
 
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