Ask Eldritch (I don't recommend it)

[ro-monster]

Dear Eldritch,

What the fuck is up with that?

Love,
ro-monster

 

[zefflyn]

Silly boy, crusted blood is sexy and the advantage of black is you don't have to wash it out unless you invested in a velvet cape and the blood is mucking up your plush. If that is the case, you should find a good dry cleaner you can trust to be discreet (Russians are the best choice for this) and in the meanwhile invest in a nice black Leather or PVC garment for when you're doing "Wetwork" and keep the velvet for more casual times when you can put your professional interests aside.

PVC cape, why didn't I think of that?

 

[Eldritch]

Dear Eldritch,

What the fuck is up with that?

Love,
ro-monster

Kevin Collins, Amber Schwartz Garcia, and Jimmy Hoffa have been planning it for years. Sorry about the Cantaloupe.

PVC cape, why didn't I think of that?

Because you have the fashion sense of a Water Buffalo on Viagra.

 

[Bad Dad]

Dear Eldritch,


How long should Melissa and I try to conceive the messiah, before I tell her I'm fixed?

 

[Eldritch]

Dear Eldritch,


How long should Melissa and I try to conceive the messiah, before I tell her I'm fixed?

Till it rots the fuck off. Then send her to San Rafael.

 

[stan23]

What exactly do you do that allows you to post 9742 times since August of 2004?

 

[xgambit]

What exactly do you do that allows you to post 9742 times since August of 2004?

yeah! i know!

what a slacker!

 

[Eldritch]

What exactly do you do that allows you to post 9742 times since August of 2004?

I run a small flooring company. A lot of my time is spent in Vendor Management, so I'm on the phone, on hold, a lot. I keep BARF open most of the day and whenever I'm not putting something into one of my buiness apps, I'm usually typing something on BARF. I'm also good at multi-tasking so I can talk to a vendor and play around on my computer at the same time while text messaging someone on my phone and daydreaming about sex. I also have an uncanny ability to spew the sort of drivel you see in this thread with little effort at all, almost without end.

LOL, not to mention that on more than one day I've had to stay at the office late because I wasted 30 minutes getting in an arguement on BARF. I manage myself, and I'm paid a salary to do my job so I can manage my time as I see fit as long as I get my job done. Sometimes that means I have to stay at the office till 8 or 9 because I played on BARF that day or I decided that I really needed to go for a ride on my lunchbreak (My office is 350 yards from one of the best rides in California according to Pashnit.com).

 

[stan23]

I run a small flooring company. A lot of my time is spent in Vendor Management, so I'm on the phone, on hold, a lot. I keep BARF open most of the day and whenever I'm not putting something into one of my buiness apps, I'm usually typing something on BARF. I'm also good at multi-tasking so I can talk to a vendor and play around on my computer at the same time while text messaging someone on my phone and daydreaming about sex. I also have an uncanny ability to spew the sort of drivel you see in this thread with little effort at all, almost without end.

LOL, not to mention that on more than one day I've had to stay at the office late because I wasted 30 minutes getting in an arguement on BARF. I manage myself, and I'm paid a salary to do my job so I can manage my time as I see fit as long as I get my job done. Sometimes that means I have to stay at the office till 8 or 9 because I played on BARF that day or I decided that I really needed to go for a ride on my lunchbreak (My office is 350 yards from one of the best rides in California according to Pashnit.com).

Great reply!

xgambit, what's your story!?

 

[xgambit]

i dont have one. :|

 

[Eldritch]

Great reply!

xgambit, what's your story!?

Chess watses all of his time here because he thinks hanging out on BARF will get him sex.

Hmmm...

 

[Jakemate]

Will the DOJ actually update the list tomorrow, thereby giving me new AW's?

Do they have a secret court date to ban FAL's?

Are corn nuts more corn or nut?

 

[topspeed]

Dear Eldritch,

Eri, or J?

 

[Joebar4000]

Why is your piss purple?

 

[zefflyn]

Is the best way to answer a question really the Socratic method?

 

[ro-monster]

Sorry about the Cantaloupe.

You defiled my cantaloupe? You beast! How could you?

 

[Eldritch]

Will the DOJ actually update the list tomorrow, thereby giving me new AW's?

Do they have a secret court date to ban FAL's?

Are corn nuts more corn or nut?

Winston Churchill. Capiche?

Dear Eldritch,

Eri, or J?

Both, have a little faith and eat your vitamins.

Why is your piss purple?

It's not, you've actually been sucking the cock of Kool-Aid man in one of his "Grape" moods.

Is the best way to answer a question really the Socratic method?

No.

You defiled my cantaloupe? You beast! How could you?

Very carefully, that's how. Don't think of it as defiled so much as "seasoned."

 

[planegray]

Dear Mr Eldritch One,

What was that whiskey you recommended at the L-13 ? I'm looking for "peaty" but smooth (kind of tired of the sourmash bite)

 

[ro-monster]

Dear Eldritch One,

I ate the cantaloupe this morning. It tasted funny.

Love,
ro-monster

 

[Eldritch]

Dear Mr Eldritch One,

What was that whiskey you recommended at the L-13 ? I'm looking for "peaty" but smooth (kind of tired of the sourmash bite)

Taken care of.

Dear Eldritch One,

I ate the cantaloupe this morning. It tasted funny.

Love,
ro-monster

Congratulations, you are now one step closer to Nirvana. Please get Honeydew next time, the cantaloupe has left me with an uncomfortable rash.