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What happens when men prefer porn?

i don’t get anyone’s idea of ‘control’ in a relationship. lovers, spouses, friends, you name it. how can you respect someone who can be controlled? sounds incredibly boring. if control is what you want, get a dog. but then, have said before that i live with a grizzly, and i kinda get off on going chest to chest with him when he’s riled. it’s epic.

on another note, ‘slut’ is not a word i use. but i do know a few man-whores (term of endearment). every opportunity, lol. they’re fun.
 
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men in porn, kinda like Tuxedo mask. sorry don't mean to paint all men as glorified dildos.

 
Abacinator said:
Tell us more about your insecurity
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This is why BARF loses members; member to member (bad) conduct. Please keep things respectful of other members when posting. Comments like this are more understandable when a mutual conflict has arisen, but still not in keeping with a community forum. .
 
Holeshot said:
This is why BARF loses members; member to member (bad) conduct. Please keep things respectful of other members when posting. Comments like this are more understandable when a mutual conflict has arisen, but still not in keeping with a community forum. .
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OK: slut shaming
NOT OK: shaming shaming

Got it.
 
Nope. Keeping a respectful environment. This isn't the KSP.
 
cheez said:
You do realize that the entire tone and tenor of this thread is directly disrespectful to many BARFers, right?
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It has had its cringeworthy comments, but I will not let it disturb my happiness. I have genuinely appreciated some of the comments from people in this thread and my enjoyment of some people has grown.
 
I think shaming sluts (men as well as women) is OK when they are in a committed relationship and their partner knows nothing about it. Otherwise, they can carry on.
 
byke said:
Bud has made commitments to curb misogyny before. It doesn't need to be in the ToS.
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Bud's is omnipotent here. I limit things to the TOS. Reaching out early often helps.
 
Is that to mean someone actually flagged "insecurity"..? That's gotta be the softest "insult" requiring mod intervention I've ever seen on the barfs. :laughing
 
Abacinator said:
Sorry if I insulted the guy who doesn't respect women.
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to me, it sounded more like a question a therapist would ask. an expected question.
cheez said:
OK: slut shaming
NOT OK: shaming shaming

Got it.
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call me confused. i thought it was women that were leaving (left). and it is / was allegedly because of posts offensive to women. on the other hand, jason left. i can’t recall why. maybe it will come back to me.
 
Holeshot said:
This is why BARF loses members; member to member (bad) conduct. Please keep things respectful of other members when posting. Comments like this are more understandable when a mutual conflict has arisen, but still not in keeping with a community forum. .
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Don't throw stones from your glass house. You do a ton of bad member to member conduct.
 
Come on people, we can do better than this. J. F. C., let's keep a civil discourse going please. Bloody hell's flames......:devilish::devilish:
 
900ss said:
Come on people, we can do better than this. J. F. C., let's keep a civil discourse going please. Bloody hell's flames......:devilish::devilish:
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I'm all about a civil discourse, seriously. To be civil, however, requires _not_ starting from a place of discussion which "others" some of the folks participating in the conversation.

It'd be like coming on this forum and saying "GOSH I wish all those sportbike riders would just stop riding. Sportbike riders are hooligans, and hooliganism is bad." There's a bunch of us on this forum who'd go "hey, I ride a sportbike, and hey, I do some of those hooligan things, and hey, I even self-identify as a hooligan some of the time." All of a sudden, that group is on the defensive- "hey, wheelies are okay, but yeah, wheelies through stopped traffic aren't" or "riding as a group is our right, but yeah, stopping or impeding traffic is wrong" and others are "wheelies ARE THE DEVIL!" and "all group rides should be jailed!" and so on. All it does is create division between us. Some folks are hooligans, and some aren't. Condemning the specific, unsafe behavior is appropriate- generalizing about large swaths of riders, using labels, is not. "All sportbike riders are hooligans, and hooligans are bad" is the same kind of generalization as "sluts should be ashamed" or "boomers should care more" or "young people don't want to work"- it maligns an entire group of people no matter their individual traits.

I'm a proud slut, and I know many, many folks, some BARFers, who are too. I use porn, frequently with my partners, and don't feel it degrades anyone. It's a puritanical mindset to find sex shameful- it's a consensual act between two adults, where's the shame in it- or porn shameful- which is consensually made by adult actors who choose to make porn. The observation I made above- "your wife cheating on you is a violation of your commitment and trust, but it doesn't make her a slut unless she was cheating on you with dozens of partners"- is accurate, and should demonstrate how folks try and use the term to shame those who do things they disagree with.

I appreciate the topic of this thread- because young folks choosing isolation over social interaction is a real thing and a real problem, but _definitely_ not the fault of the existence of porn- but I don't appreciate the slut shaming it devolved into, and I'm far past sitting down and shutting up when that sort of thing is happening.
 
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